Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodworking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family. To that extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today’s competitive world, some argue that schools should concentrate on
students
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’ theoretical knowledge
instead
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of teaching them practical
skills
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,
such
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as cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking. I disagree with
this
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idea, and I believe that teaching practical
skills
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can contribute significantly to improving
students
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’ essential life
skills
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the disadvantages of excessive focus on academic
success
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and passing examinations is that
this
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approach can leave
students
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with limited opportunities to cultivate their essential
skills
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,
such
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as critical thinking, decision-making, problem-solving and creativity.
This
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can have negative impacts on
students
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’ personal and professional development.
For instance
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,
students
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who just concentrate on academic
success
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often face serious social problems because they devote a significant amount of their time to studying theoretical subjects, which leaves them with limited time and less energy to participate in other important activities,
such
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as socialising.
Moreover
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, overreliance on academic
success
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can place additional pressure on
students
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, which can lead to health problems, including stress.
Thus
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, excessive focus on academic subjects can pose a threat to
students
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’ personal growth and their essential
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, teaching practical
skills
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can help
students
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improve their essential life
skills
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,
such
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as independence, creativity, leadership, confidence, and communication.
This
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is because
students
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through
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, through
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learning
such
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skills
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skills,
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can gain real-life experience, which can act as a catalyst for their personal, professional, and educational growth.
For example
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, teaching cookery
skills
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can provide
students
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with unique opportunities to deepen their understanding of different cooking traditions
while
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allowing them to improve their confidence and independence.
Hence
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, teaching practical
skills
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alongside theoretical subjects can not only make the learning process more enjoyable but
also
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enable
students
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to develop their essential life
skills
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I firmly disagree with excessive focus on academic
success
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and passing examinations because it can increase the risks of health problems among
students
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and limit the opportunity for improving essential
skills
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. From my perspective,
therefore
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, a balanced approach to academic growth and teaching practical
skills
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can support
students
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’
overall
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development.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree, and you support a mix of school work and life skills. To answer the full question more directly, discuss the idea that families may teach these skills. Explain why this is not always possible. For example, some parents may have little time, money, or skill in cooking or woodwork.
Task response
Keep your main ideas close to the topic. Much of the first body part is about stress, social life, and study pressure. These points are useful, but link them more clearly to cookery, dressmaking, and woodworking.
Task response
Use a more direct example. For instance, say that a cooking class can help a student plan cheap, healthy meals, while a woodwork class can teach safe tool use and problem solving.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. The order of ideas is easy to follow. In the first body part, however, try to use one main point only: too much exam work leaves little room for useful life skills.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are mostly clear, such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, and “On the other hand”. Do not use “Thus” and “Hence” too often. At times, a short, clear sentence can make the link stronger.
Coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences carry too many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences, especially in the first body part. This will make your meaning clearer and easier to read.
Language focus
Check a few word groups. “Students through learning such skills” is not natural. Write: “By learning these skills, students can gain real-life experience.” Also, “negative impacts on” can be changed to “negative effects on” for simpler, clearer English.
Task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
Task response
You explain why practical learning can build independence, confidence, creativity, and communication.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a clear main idea, and your final paragraph brings your view together well.
Coherence and cohesion
Examples are placed after your main points, which helps the reader understand your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Holistic education
  • Well-rounded education
  • Practical life skills
  • Foster creativity
  • Problem-solving abilities
  • Socio-economic gaps
  • Stress relief
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Educational readiness
  • Career readiness
  • Job market
  • Versatile
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Cultural development
  • Personal growth
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