Junk food advertising has a harmful effect on society and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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think that fast
food
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promotion has a negative impact on
people
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and must be banned. In my opinion, I firmly agree with
this
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statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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I believe that strict regulations are needed to combat the spread of
this
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kind of
food
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the main reason for the wrong picture of healthy
food
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is junk
food
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advertising. In fact, most companies promote that their meals are healthy and appropriate for anyone,
while
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these meals contain a lot of sodium and sugar that have a bad effect on health.
In addition
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,
this
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strategy has led to an increase in the probability of obesity and type 2 diabetes
by
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due to
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the consumption of fast
food
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. A study published by Harvard University concluded that processed
food
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led to a rapid growth in chronic diseases during the
last
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century.
Therefore
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,
this
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kind of
food
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is mainly related to negative impacts on
people
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's health.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the lack of awareness is another reason why we should apply constraints on junk
food
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. Some
organizations
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organisations
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claim that an individual can build muscles
due to
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the amount of protein they
include
Verb problem
consume
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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who believe these advertisements could be infected with chronic diseases. A clear example of
this
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can be seen in the working environment, where employees eat fast
food
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because of the high percentage of protein and vegetables in
this
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meal.
As a result
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, the lack of nutritional information is closely associated with chronic diseases.
Conclusion
It is believed that banning junk
food
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advertising should be
due to
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its negative effect on public health. From my perspective, I completely agree that constraints are crucial to reduce its distribution.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear: say that you agree with a full ban, or explain which ads should be stopped, such as ads for children. This will make your answer more direct.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. For example, show how ads make people buy fast food more often, and how this can harm health over time.
task response
Some points are too broad. The idea that people eat fast food because it has protein and vegetables needs more care. Say why this does not make the whole meal healthy.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. The Harvard study is not explained enough. You can give a simple real-life example instead, such as ads that make children ask their parents for food high in sugar.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part repeats the health point from the first part. Give it a different job: focus on how ads can hide key facts, or how children may not know what is good for them.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'In fact', 'Furthermore', and 'As a result' should show a real link. In some places, the next sentence does not fully follow from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Use more exact words. For example, replace 'wrong picture of healthy food' with 'a false idea that fast food is healthy', and replace 'constraints' with 'a ban' or 'strict rules'.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
You use relevant main ideas about health, obesity, diabetes, and the lack of good food facts.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part form is easy to follow: an opening, two body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph starts and linking phrases to guide the reader through your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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