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Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Some young people decide to start their own business rather thank work for a company. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this tendency?

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Nowadays, it has been observed that a growing number of individuals prefer to start their own businesses
instead
Linking Words
 of working for an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
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. In
this
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 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Add an article
the benefits
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 and drawbacks of
this
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 tendency. On one hand, managing your own business might bring
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
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 amount of income, as you are in charge of everything. Unlike people who work for
organization
Correct determiner usage
an organisation
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 and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 paid with limited wages, business owners can increase their work scope and
therefore
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 their income.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, single entrepreneurship offer an independence, as you will not take orders from anyone.
This
Linking Words
 freedom can
further
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 benefit by reducing stress and anxiety
level
Check wording
levels
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.

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task response
You start both sides of the topic, but the essay is not complete. Add a full paragraph about the drawbacks, such as loss of money, long work hours, and the risk that the business may fail. End with a short conclusion that sums up both sides.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say why a business owner may earn more, but also why this is not sure at the start. Add a simple real-life example for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Your first paragraph gives a clear plan, and “On one hand” helps the reader. Use “On the other hand” to begin the drawbacks paragraph, then use “In conclusion” for the last paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. Begin with a clear main sentence, explain it, and give an example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer grammar. Write “working for an organization” and “a single entrepreneur offers independence.” Also, use “a considerable amount of income” and “reduce stress and anxiety levels.”
task response
You clearly understand the topic and give two useful benefits: the chance to earn more money and greater freedom at work.
coherence and cohesion
The opening is clear and tells the reader that you will discuss both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas in the business paragraph follow a clear order: higher income, more freedom, and less stress.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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