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Band 4.5

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language when they are very young. - Do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction
There is on going debate about whether kids should be taught new
languages
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 at an early
age
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. I firmly agree with the view, but the desire to know a new language should not be dependent on the
age
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 difference.
This
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 essay will explain why.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the ability of learning new language at an early
age
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 is faster. People,
for instance
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, do not forget their childhood experiences and friends.
This
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 explains
,
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that
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 children can blend with different environments and societies.
Furthermore
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, in the future, by gaining more
languages
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, they can work in different cultural settings and diverse work environments, which can allow them to gain valuable experiences and skills.
As a result
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, they can enhance their professional development.
Body paragraph 2
To solidify, adults tend to be intrested to learn new
languages
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,
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;
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however
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, their ability of understanding is limited
,
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apply
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due to
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 the responsibilities in life, because they lack the campacity of understanding a new
languages
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.
For example
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, immigrant families often have difficulty learning new
languages
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. They are more focused on the well-being of the family.
However
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,
this
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 would not stop them from gaining new
languages
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if
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; if
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 they have the desire and discipline, they can learn multiple
languages
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.
Thus
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, people should constantly seek improvement no matter what.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid arguments, in my opinion, learning foreign laguages in a young
age
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 is more advantageous.
This
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 is mainly because of the ability to learn and understand faster at a young
age
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that children should learn a new language when they are young. Keep this same clear view in every main part.
task response
Give two clear reasons for your view and explain each one more fully. For example, young children may copy sounds more easily, and early learning can help them speak with people from other countries later in life.
task response
Some ideas do not directly answer the question. The point about adults having family duties is useful only if you clearly show why this makes early learning better for children.
task response
Your examples need to be closer to the main idea. Childhood friends and past experiences do not clearly prove that children learn languages faster. Use an example of a child hearing, copying, and using new words each day.
task response
Avoid changing your main point. You say age should not matter, but later you say learning at a young age is more helpful. State that young children should start early, while adults can still learn too.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea. The first can be about fast learning; the second can be about future work and life. Do not mix children and adults too often in the same paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer opening lines for body paragraphs. For example: “First, young children can learn new sounds more easily.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used in a clear way. “To solidify” does not fit here. Use simple links such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “Therefore.”
coherence and cohesion
Break up long sentences, especially in the second body paragraph. This will make your meaning clearer and help the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You include ideas about learning speed and future work, which are both linked to learning a new language early.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion both state the same main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and linking words to show the order of your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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