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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in some countries,more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exersice classses what are the reasons for this? is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, numerous
people
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 find that having a personal fitness trainer is crucial
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the gym or exercise classes.
This
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 trend is mainly because they discover that it is an easier and faster way for them to improve their
health
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 and continue training every day, and I believe
this
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 is a largely positive development.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why
people
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 tend to hire a personal coach. One of the reasons is that they
Body paragraph 2
want to enhance their
health
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quicker
Rephrase
more quickly
show examples
 and with the easiest method.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone wants to build muscles and there is not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient time in his day, he might decide to seek a private trainer who can come to his house and help him.
As a result
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,
this
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 person will be able to develop his
health
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 without making a lot efforts and saving his time
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 rather than going to the gym.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
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, I think
this
Linking Words
 is an effective way for
people
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 to improve their
health
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 quickly, and it will definitely be successful because they can maintain a regular routine that can lead to a significant change in their
health
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 and practice the exercise accurately.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research has shown that a large number of athletes who achieve considerable changes in their
health
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 own private trainers who work as monitors of their progress.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe owning a personal fitness coach plays a vital role in developing our
health
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 faster, and it is one of the important factors that enables
people
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 to save their time.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why people hire trainers and whether this is good or bad. To make your view stronger, explain more fully why a trainer is better than a gym or class. You can also note one possible bad side, such as high cost or less group contact, before saying why you still think it is mostly good.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: saving time, getting help at home, and following a regular plan. Develop each idea with a fuller chain: trainer makes a plan, checks each move, and helps the person keep going. This will make the answer more complete.
task response
Use more real and specific examples. The example of a busy person who wants to build muscle is useful, but give clear details about how a trainer saves time or stops wrong exercise. Avoid broad claims such as 'recent research has shown' unless you explain the result clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, reasons, your view, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the second body paragraph clearly show that it is your answer to the positive-or-negative part of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. For example, replace 'As a result' with 'This means that' when you explain the direct effect. Use simple links such as 'also', 'however', 'because', and 'therefore' only where they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas together. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily. For example, first say that a trainer gives a set plan. Then say that this plan helps people exercise often and safely.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
Your reasons are relevant to the topic, especially time saving and regular exercise.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, and they clearly state the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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