IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say the fashion industry is bad for the environment, as it encourages the consumers to buy new clothes all the time. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the issue of the
fashion
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industry
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 and its environmental impact has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some individuals may hold different opinions, I contend that the
fashion
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industry
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 has a negative impact on the
environment
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 because it encourages consumers to purchase new clothes frequently.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is essential to acknowledge that the
fashion
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industry
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 has a strong influence on consumer behaviour. A crucial consideration is that clothing companies frequently introduce new designs and offer attractive
discount
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discounts
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 which encourage individuals to purchase more items than they actually need.
For example
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, many consumers buy new outfits to follow current trends, even when their wardrobes are already full.
Consequently
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, a large number of clothes are discarded after being worn only a few times.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the negative effects of the
fashion
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industry
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 on the
environment
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. A significant factor to explore is that producing large quantities of clothing can generate a considerable amount of pollution, which damages the natural
environment
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.
For example
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, factories often use chemicals and release wastewater during the production process, which can contaminate rivers and affect wildlife.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that throwing away old clothes increases the amount of waste in landfills.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that the
fashion
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industry
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 can contribute to environmental problems and ethical issues.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that the
fashion
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industry
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 is bad for the
environment
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 because it encourages unnecessary purchases and creates excessive waste. Both clothing companies and consumers should take greater responsibility for reducing these environmental problems.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you fully agree, then give the two main reasons you will explain.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how low prices, new styles, and ads lead people to buy too much, and then show how this causes more waste and more factory work.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add one clear real-life detail, such as clothes being sent to rubbish sites after only a few uses.
task response
The last sentence in the second body paragraph brings in ethical issues, but this is not explained. Remove it or explain it with a clear link to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph is about buying more clothes, while the second is about harm to nature. This order works well. Make the link between them more direct: buying more means more clothes must be made and thrown away.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use the same long opening phrases too often, such as 'it is essential' and 'a significant factor'. Use shorter links like 'This means', 'As a result', and 'For this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body paragraph, first discuss harm from making clothes, then discuss harm from throwing them away, with a short link between the two.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two useful reasons: people buy clothes they do not need, and making and throwing away clothes harms nature.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and the conclusion clearly repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'For example', 'Consequently', and 'Furthermore' help the reader follow your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fast fashion
  • mass production
  • environmental degradation
  • textile industry
  • water pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • synthetic fibers
  • buy-and-discard culture
  • landfill
  • decompose
  • sustainable fashion
  • eco-friendly
  • natural resources
  • chemical treatment
  • second-hand stores
  • thrift stores
  • fashion consumption
  • ecological impact
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