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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue taht the money should be spent on improving living standard on earth. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
The issue of whether the millions of dollars should be spent on
space
Use synonyms
 research or on improving living
standard
Check wording
standards
show examples
 on
earth
Capitalize the proper name
Earth
show examples
 has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 perspectives on
this
Linking Words
 matter vary, I strongly agree that it would be more beneficial if we spent it to
insure
Use the right word
ensure
show examples
 the
citizen
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 future on earth.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one compelling argument is that the government should first focus on socity basics needs.
This
Linking Words
 is largely because they should provide assistance for the community.
This
Linking Words
 can help to develop the community and
highest
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of their loyalty for their
contury
Correct your spelling
country
.
For instance
Linking Words
, an example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in the poor families who struggle to
pride
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 for their children the
basics
Replace the word
basic
 living standard
such
Linking Words
 as education, healthcare,
house
Add an article
a house
show examples
 and clothes to wear. If the
governmemt
Correct your spelling
government
 helps them by cutting out their taxes and giving them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special care, their children will grow with a determination to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their goals and
became
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a great impact on the world.
Body paragraph 2
Cosequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
,
this
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 will
creat
Correct your spelling
create
 a healthier, more educated workforce and support long-term economic growth.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
space
Use synonyms
 research often produces useful technology for everyday life. A
gowing
Correct your spelling
growing
 body of evidence
suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests
show examples
 that the galaxy has considerable
space
Use synonyms
 worth
dive
Wrong verb form
diving
show examples
 into
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, the astronaut
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 numerous
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 searching for things that could make our lives easier. An illustration of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in the
sateliit
Correct your spelling
satellite
 data discovery
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 predict natural disasters, monitor climate change and protect crops.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will help the generation to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 progress in science.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 spending the money for studing the
space
Use synonyms
 can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 us discover new technology, the analysis above makes it evident that it would be more beneficial if we use it to develop our living standard.Given substantial evidence presented
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is reasonable to
antisipate
Correct your spelling
anticipate
 the
essentialy
Correct your spelling
essentiality
 of discovering the
space
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 first we need to be financially stable.

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task response
Your view is clear: money should first help people on Earth. However, explain this view more fully. Show why help for homes, health, schools, and food is more important than space work now.
task response
The second main part gives a good reason for space work, but it weakens your own view. Say clearly that these gains are useful, yet basic needs on Earth must come first.
task response
Use more direct and real examples. For example, say that money for local health care can help poor families get care, while satellite data can warn people before floods.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep each main idea in one full paragraph. The very short paragraph starting with “Cosequently” should join the first main paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas clearer. Use simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each link shows the right relation between the two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not follow well. For example, helping poor families does not clearly lead to people being more loyal to their country. Explain each step, or remove ideas that do not support your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words and sentence form so your meaning is easy to follow. For example, write “basic needs”, “raise the standard of living”, “satellite data”, and “space research”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear personal view.
task response
You use useful ideas about poor families, health care, schools, and satellite data.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction states the topic and your final paragraph restates your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “For instance”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • space exploration
  • improve living standards
  • basic human needs
  • essential public services
  • reduce poverty
  • access to healthcare
  • affordable housing
  • clean drinking water
  • long-term economic growth
  • scientific progress
  • technological innovation
  • satellite communication
  • weather forecasting
  • natural disaster prediction
  • monitor climate change
  • everyday applications
  • a balanced approach
  • allocate resources wisely
  • international cooperation
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