IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You are a student at an English language school in Brighton and are living in private accommodation with other flatmates. You have not had hot water or heating for some time. The landlord’s workmen have tried to fix the problem but without success. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter, state your reason for writing describe the problems and explain how you feel propose a solution and risk the landlord to take action

8.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Mr Hashem, I am writing to let you know that the heating system is not working appropriately, despite the efforts of the workmen, which has led to a serious inconvenience for other flatmates and me. One of the major problems is that I cannot take a shower, which has left me with limited opportunities to be tidy, especially after a busy day and exercising.
As a result
Linking Words
, it has led to shame when I go to the university and socialise with others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I cannot sleep sufficiently, as the temperature of the room drops at night, making my room cold.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I become sleepy at the university, and I cannot concentrate on my responsibilities, resulting in a reduction in my productivity. I would suggest replacing the heating system with a new one, as I think the current one cannot be repaired, and any investment can be a waste of money.
In addition
Linking Words
, if you don’t take appropriate action, I will move to another place. Thank you for your consideration and time. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Mohammadreza Hadavi

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State more clearly how long there has been no hot water or heat. This will help the owner see how bad the problem is.
task response
Ask for a clear next step, such as a new worker visit within a few days or a new system. Say what you want the owner to do.
task response
The line about moving out is clear, but it may sound too strong. You could first ask the owner to act soon.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Use short links such as “First”, “Also”, and “For this reason” to make the flow even smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. For example, put hot water problems in one paragraph and cold room problems in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler words in a few places. For example, write “I cannot wash” instead of “I have limited opportunities to be tidy”.
task response
You explain the main problems well: no hot water, a cold room, poor sleep, and trouble at school.
task response
You give a possible answer to the problem by asking for a new heating system.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, with a polite opening, clear body paragraphs, and a suitable closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use cause and result links well, such as “As a result” and “Consequently”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • landlord
  • flat
  • hot water
  • heating
  • repair
  • fix
  • workmen
  • come
  • date
  • plan
  • today
  • later
  • please
  • thank you
  • we
  • I
  • us
  • our
  • problem
  • cold
  • sleep
  • study
  • health
  • house
  • room
  • shower
  • tired
  • need
  • want
  • action
  • inform
  • update
  • for
  • in
  • with
  • this
  • that
  • there
  • here
  • and
  • or
  • but
  • also
  • to
  • could
  • can
What to do next:
Look at other essays: