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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that medicines are very important to sick
people
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
number
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the number
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 of
people
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 who have
health
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 issues are trying alternative
treatments
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 rather than visiting
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doctor
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a doctor
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, most
of
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apply
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people
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 who have
health
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problems
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 are influenced by different alternative medicines, and think these alternatives are going to cure their diseases.
Unfortunately
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Unfortunately,
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such
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 alternatives may increase the disease.
For instance
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, there was a person who claimed that he is a specialised
doctor
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, and used social platforms to
povide advices
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provide advice
 about a specific diet which targets
people
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 suffering from
diabates
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diabetes
. So, some
people
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 believed him and started to follow his diet. But
later
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later,
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 those
people
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 started to feel bad, and even the level of blood sugar had increased. I believe that medicine is
enought
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enough
 to treat
people
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, and give patients
best
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the best
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 methods to feel better. There are
people
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 who believe that some
treatments
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such
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, such
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 as traditional
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treatments
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treatments,
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 can help in curing
from
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apply
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some
health
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problems
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.
For example
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, my friend was not able to get pregnant for
long
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a long
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 time, so she went to a woman who is very famous
of
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for
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 treating pregnancy
problems
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 using traditional ways,
so
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apply
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and after
months
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months,
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 my friend got pregnant. Some
treatments
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 are useful in specific situations. At
same
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the same
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 time, first you need to take a
consultancy
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consultation
 from a
doctor
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 and if you
did
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do
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 not see
changes
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changes,
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 check other alternatives that may help.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
people
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 should go to the
doctor
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, because
he
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they
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 will have enough knowledge about different
health
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problems
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.

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task response
Give your view more clearly in the first part. Say that this is mainly a bad change, but some extra care may help when a doctor says it is safe.
task response
Explain why going to a doctor is safer. For example, doctors can find the real health problem, give the right care, and stop harm from bad or false care.
task response
Your two main ideas do not fully agree. First, you say other care can make people worse. Then, you say it can help. Make your view clear: other care should only be used with advice from a doctor.
task response
The friend story is useful, but it needs more care. One case does not show that the treatment worked. Say that a doctor should still check the person first.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: first part with your view, one body part about risks, one body part about limited safe use, and a last part that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “One main risk is that people may not get the care they need.” Then explain it and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “So” is used many times. Try “For this reason”, “However”, “Also”, and “As a result” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Make them shorter. For example, split the sentence about the diet into two or three short sentences.
task response
You give a clear final view that people should see a doctor because doctors have knowledge about health problems.
task response
You use examples, including the diet story and your friend’s story, to try to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic links such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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