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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are not as crucial as before because they can watch all the entertainment they
would
Verb problem
want
show examples
 online.
Conversaly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, others still believe that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are still important both economically and culturally. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 totally believe that it depends on the person's personality and their preferences.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main benefits of watching online is
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 more economic and anyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 watch anything at any time.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will not have to pay as much as when they go to
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they can watch any episodes or films at any time,
such
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 as
middle
Change preposition
in the middle
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 of the night. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 sutable for
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have social issues like social anxiety.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when
people
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 go to
cinemas
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 they will have
full
Add an article
a full
show examples
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
, starting from eating snacks like popcorn and having cold drinks.
In addition
Linking Words
, they will watch movies
in
Change preposition
on
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 a huge screen and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 4k resolution.
However
Linking Words
,
theatres
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also
Linking Words
 give a unique experience
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when the
audiences
Check wording
audience
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 laughs and claps.
This
Linking Words
 would be great for
people
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 who love sharing comments during the shows. And
also
Linking Words
 for a group of friends or family.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Both
Fix capitalization
both
show examples
 watching the entertainment online or at
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 will give
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable shows. I think
people
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 will choose what is most suitable for them. For shy
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people
Add a comma
people,
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 they will prefer watching online. For social and friendly
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 they will want to go
Use synonyms
theatres
Change preposition
to theatres
show examples
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Discuss the two views more fully. Explain not only why online watching is cheap and easy, but also why cinemas and theatres matter to jobs, local shops, film makers, actors, and culture.
task response
Give a clearer own view. You say it depends on the person, but also say both places are important. State clearly if cinemas and theatres should still be kept, even if many people watch at home.
task response
Add a real example. For example, say that a cinema can bring people to cafes and shops near it, or that a live play lets people see local stories together.
task response
Develop each main point with a reason and result. For example: online services cost less, so they help people with little money or people who live far from a cinema.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each body part focus on one full view from the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Try: 'On the one hand' for online watching, 'On the other hand' for cinemas and theatres, and 'Therefore' before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short or unfinished ideas, such as 'And also for a group of friends or family.' Join them to the sentence before: 'This is also good for groups of friends and families.'
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words to name the same thing. Do not mix 'theatres', 'cinemas', 'shows', and 'entertainment' when you mean one place or one kind of event. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. Your points about low cost, watching at any time, and the shared cinema or theatre visit are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, one part about online watching, one part about cinemas and theatres, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as 'As a result', 'Also', 'In addition', 'However', and 'In conclusion' to show the order of your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming platforms
  • on-demand entertainment
  • watch content at home
  • a wide range of choices
  • affordable subscription
  • convenience and flexibility
  • the shared viewing experience
  • a high-quality sound system
  • live performance
  • a sense of occasion
  • cultural heritage
  • support local artists
  • create employment opportunities
  • boost the local economy
  • attract tourists
  • nearby businesses
  • face financial pressure
  • complement rather than replace
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