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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
food
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 production is important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumers can buy
food
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 produced all over the world, there can be positives or negatives for
this
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 development. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I believe that there are many positives for buying
food
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 that
have
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has
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 been
brough
Correct your spelling
brought
 from different parts of the world. Some countries are not able to produce
some
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apply
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certain types of
food
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, so they need to import from outside.
For instance
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, in
Saudi
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Arabia
Replace the word
Arabian
 markets, it is difficult to find local Salmon, so most
of
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apply
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Saudi
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supermarkets
Correct word choice
Arabian supermarkets
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 decide to bring it from other countries as Norway.
As a result
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.
consumers
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Consumers
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 are very happy about the quality of
this
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 salmon.
In addition
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, some local
products
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 are not
in
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at
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 the same level
of
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as
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 other international
food
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products
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, so it is better to ship it for other countries.
Body paragraph 2
These types of
food
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 are
good
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a good
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 chance to know more about other cultures.
For example
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,
There
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there
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 is a shop recently opened in Riyadh, which comes from Korea. All the
products
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 are from Korea,
such
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 as sushi, banana pudding, and other popular Korean items.
Saudi
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 people
fall
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fell
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 in love with these
products
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, and the shop became very famous. There are several shops in
Saudi
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 Arabia only for international
products
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, and all of these shops
successful
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are successful
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.
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apply
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, because people love to try and experience new things, specifically in
food
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I tend to believe that there are many advantages
for
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to
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this
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 development.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say that this is mainly a positive change, then keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why buying food from abroad helps people when their own country cannot grow it, and why this matters to them.
task response
Some examples do not fully support the point. The Korea shop example is useful, but sushi is not from Korea. Use food that clearly comes from the country in your example.
task response
Add one short point about a possible bad side, such as more cost or harm from long travel, then explain why the good sides are still stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. Make the first line of each body paragraph state one main idea clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not put a full stop after “As a result” before the rest of the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from food that cannot be grown at home to food being better abroad. Explain the link between these ideas, or make them two separate points.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph slightly stronger. Repeat your main view and give the two main reasons in one clear sentence.
task response
You answer the question and make your view clear: you see more good sides than bad sides.
task response
You use real and relevant examples from Saudi Arabia, Norway, Riyadh, and Korea. This makes the ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a simple and easy-to-follow order: introduction, main ideas, examples, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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