IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. Tg what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether
traveling
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travelling
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 to foreign countries for pleasure has a negative impact
for
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on
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 these countries has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
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 perspectives on
this
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 matter vary, I clearly disagree with
this
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due to
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 the massive benefits they can get from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument is that tourists help develop the country.
This
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 is largely because they play a crucial role in the state budget,
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also
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and
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this
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 helps the hidden cities to go viral.
For instance
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, an example of
this
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 can be seen in the
traveling
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travelling
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 families who have to pay for the hotels, museums, restaurants, water parks and shopping, bringing money to the businesses. Enjoying their trip and visiting the substantial spots in the area
feeling
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, feeling
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 excited to share it with their homies, influencing them to visit
this
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 city.
As a result
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,
this
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 can improve the country financially
and
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, and
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 it becomes well-known in the long term.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another significant reason is that it may affect the citizens. A growing body of evidence suggests that they can cause a considerable rise in the population
which
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, which
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 can lead to a decrease in the daily resources.
Also
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, popular destinations may become overcrowded.
For example
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, beaches, national parks and historic sites will be full of visitors.
Therefore
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, these places will be surrounded by noise and pollution.
Consequently
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, citizens will be less comfortable in their hometown.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 tourism can be harmful, the analysis above makes it evident that it can be more beneficial. Given
substantial
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the substantial
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 evidence presented, it is reasonable to anticipate that the amount of money they bring to the country is worth the effort.

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Task response
Make your view fully clear from the start: travel can cause harm, but its good sides are stronger. Then compare the two sides more directly in each main part.
Task response
Explain why the money from travel is worth the harm. For example, say that it can pay for roads, schools, parks, and jobs for local people.
Task response
Your first example is useful, but it is too long and has many ideas at once. Use one clear example and explain its result in more detail.
Task response
The second main part gives strong harms, such as crowds, noise, and pollution. Add a short point about how these harms can be controlled, such as limits on visitor numbers or rules for waste.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and make the topic sentence match that idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are joined in a hard-to-follow way. For example, change “also this helps the hidden cities to go viral” into a full sentence. Avoid very long sentences with many actions.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more naturally. You repeat “For example,” “As a result,” and “Therefore.” Try simple links such as “In addition,” “However,” and “This means that.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear words instead of informal words. Replace “homies” with “friends” or “other people,” and replace “go viral” with “become well known.”
Coherence and cohesion
Check who “they” means in each sentence. In the ending, “the amount of money they bring” should clearly say “tourists bring” or “tourism brings.”
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear overall view that the good sides of tourism are stronger.
Task response
You include relevant ideas: tourism brings money to local business, while large numbers of visitors can bring crowds and pollution.
Coherence and cohesion
The main order is easy to follow: introduction, good effects, bad effects, and conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and basic linking words to guide the reader through your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mass tourism
  • popular destination
  • overcrowded attractions
  • environmental damage
  • plastic waste
  • noise pollution
  • fragile ecosystems
  • historic sites
  • local residents
  • cost of living
  • short-term rentals
  • local customs
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist revenue
  • support local businesses
  • create employment
  • visitor limits
  • tourist tax
  • sustainable tourism
  • responsible travel
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