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Writing Samples
Band 4

Walking is known to be beneficial for health but these days the number of people walking has reduced a lot. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this situation?

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Introduction
The issue of reducing the number of
people
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 who
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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walking is a benefical for
health
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 ,
while
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 others argue that walking is a waste of time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that walking is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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useful for
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people`s
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health
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.
Body paragraph 1
on
Capitalize the word
On
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 one hand,those who advocate that walking is a benefical for
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people`s
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health
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 argue that walking can affect
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people`s
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 lives.
For instance
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,if an old man always walks in a park,which is near
of
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apply
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his house,the old man will
has
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have
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 a fit body.
Furthermore
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,walking can assist
people
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 in the future.The main reason is that walking can preserve
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people`s
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health
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 ,so that
people
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 can feel comfortable
if
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they get older.
Moreover
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,walking can help
people
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 who want to lose weight .
For instance
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,if a boy suffers from obesity,he can walk everywhere to lose weight.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that walking is a waste of time emphasise that there are many
people
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 who
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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,and they notice that there is no
differece
Correct your spelling
difference
 whether they walk or not.
In addition
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,many
people
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 think that walking is less affective that some other form of exercise.The main reason is that walking may not burn enough calories.Meanwhile,walking can be tiring for older
people
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.
For example
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,if an old woman wants to do
exercies
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exercises
,she might think that waking is so
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for her.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that walking is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful for
Use synonyms
people`s
Use synonyms
health
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.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that it can assist
people
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to lose
Change preposition
in losing
show examples
 weight and help
people
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when
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they get older.

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task response
Answer the two parts of the task: why people walk less now, and what can be done to help them walk more. Your essay talks about whether walking is good or a waste of time, so it does not answer the main question.
task response
Use clear causes such as long work hours, cars, poor paths, unsafe roads, and phone use. Then give clear steps, such as safe paths, more parks, school walks, and work plans that help people walk.
task response
Make each main point clear and explain how it leads to less walking or more walking. Add real and direct examples, such as a city with no safe path near a bus stop.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. For this task, one part can be about reasons and the next part can be about ways to deal with them.
coherence and cohesion
Your start and end are clear, but they should match the task. Do not say you will look at two sides of an argument when the task asks for reasons and ways to act.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'for example', 'because', 'as a result', and 'therefore' can show the link between an idea and its result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times, such as walking being good for health. Use the space to give new reasons and useful actions.
task response
You give a clear view that walking is good for health, and you include examples about old people and weight loss.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. You also try to use linking words such as 'for instance', 'furthermore', and 'to sum up'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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