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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done? Write an essay giving reasons for your answer and including any relevant examples from your own knowled

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is clear that
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 a lot of students can not focus in class or find it difficult to concentrate for too long.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons and solutions for
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
Firsly the most important problem is
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
show examples
many
Add a semicolon
; many
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 learners nowadays can not depend on themselves for answers. They use artificial intelligence for help.
Therefore
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, their brains get used to finding answers quickly, with no brainstorming.
secondly
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 is smart phones, many young adults get addicted to scrolling on social media,
this
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 results to defficultys at paying attention, more so their focus gets lost easily
due to
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 watching too many short videos.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, these problems can be solved by moderating time on the internet and doing other alternatives for fun,
for example
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, hanging out with friends or trying new hobbies.
moreover
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 it is a must to train the mind to come up with ideas by itself. On top of that, proper food improves concentration and body energy, which is why it is important to eat healthy food
Conclusion
In conclusion, students who have problems
on
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apply
show examples
paying attention need to sleep well, eat healthily, and not waste time.
This
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 would definitaly improves their focus and studying.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give reasons and ways to help. To make your answer stronger, explain each reason more fully. For example, say how short videos make it hard for students to stay with one long school task.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some need more support. Add one real example from your own life, school, or a student you know. For example, explain how putting a phone away helped someone finish homework.
task response
Keep all solutions close to the reasons. You talk about the internet, phones, and AI, so give a clear school or home rule for each one, such as phone-free class time or set times for online use.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Make each body part easier to follow by giving one main reason in one paragraph and one main way to help in the next paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Start sentences with capital letters: “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Moreover”, and “However”. Do not use too many links in one paragraph; explain the idea after the link.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the main body. In the last paragraph, include less internet and phone time, as these are your main points. Sleep is a good idea, but it was not fully explained in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join ideas too quickly. Use full stops to make them clear. For example: “Many young people spend hours on social media. As a result, they may find it hard to pay attention in class.”
task response
You give clear reasons, such as AI use and phone use, and you offer useful ways to help, such as less internet time, hobbies, and healthy food.
task response
Your answer stays on the topic of student focus at school.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly tells the reader that you will discuss reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs for problems, solutions, and the final idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
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