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Band 5

Some people think there should be strict discipline in schools for students to get good marks,while others believe teachers should be friendly.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
People have different opinions about how
students
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 can obtain good academic scores. Some individuals believe that strict
discipline
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 is essential for
students
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 to achieve higher grades,
whereas
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 others argue that
friendly
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the friendly
show examples
 behaviour of
teachers
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 can help
students
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 clear their doubts. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views, and I personally think a balanced approach is most effective.
Body paragraph 1
Some individuals support the idea that strict
discipline
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 in schools is essential to improve their learning and
structured
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a structured
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 environment.
This
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 improvement not only helps
students
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 to improve their academic performance but
also
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pressurize
Correct subject-verb agreement
pressures
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 the
teachers
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 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their responsibility properly. If schools have clearly set their rules,
students
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 follow them strictly,
such
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 as completing homework on time, meeting deadlines, and avoiding distractions
while
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 studying.
Therefore
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, I think these practical ways are useful for
students
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 to remain focused
,
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apply
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 and directly improve their academic performance
,
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apply
show examples
 when they learn how to control their study habits.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, those individuals argue that
friendly
Add an article
the friendly
show examples
 behaviour of
teachers
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to create a supportive and comfortable environment. Some
students
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 are naturally stubborn, and when
teachers
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 provide comfort like
friends
Punctuation problem
friends,
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then
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 they are more willing to share their problems,
asking
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ask
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 questions,
getting
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get
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 instant feedback, and
clearing
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clear
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 their doubts
from them
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apply
show examples
immediately.
As a result
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, their academic performance starts to improve, and
ask
Correct pronoun usage
they ask
show examples
 their
teachers
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 to point out their
weakness
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weaknesses
show examples
 without hesitation. In my opinion, when
students
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 get instant support from their
teachers
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 and often seek help by attending additional classes, it becomes highly beneficial for
students
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 to improve faster and achieve better scores.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both
discipline
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 and teacher behaviour have their own significant role in
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students
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students'
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 lives.
While
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discipline
Use synonyms
 helps them stay focused, friendly
teachers
Use synonyms
 encourage confidence and better understanding.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach is the most effective way to help
students
Use synonyms
 achieve good marks.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why rules can lead to better marks and why kind teachers can help students learn.
task response
Add one clear, real example for each view. For example, a rule about phone use may help a student finish homework, while a teacher who welcomes questions may help a shy student understand a hard lesson.
task response
Your own view is clear, but it is repeated in the last part. State what a balanced plan looks like: clear rules, fair action when rules are broken, and teachers who are kind and easy to talk to.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this strong shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. You use words such as 'However', 'Therefore', and 'As a result' well, but make sure each one shows the exact link between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the subject clear in each sentence. For example, change 'help students to improve their academic performance but also pressurize the teachers' to 'help students improve their work and make teachers take their duties seriously.'
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain strict rules, friendly teachers, and your own view.
task response
Your main idea is easy to understand: students need both clear rules and support from teachers.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear plan for the essay, and the ending brings both views together.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph stays on one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
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