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Writing Samples
Band 5

ome argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often said that
music
Use synonyms
 is good at alleviating mood as it is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an amazing stress buster. I agree to
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
Add a semicolon
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 there are certain exceptions to
this
Linking Words
 that will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
Soft and soothing
music
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 is considered effective in slowing down neural activity.
As a result
Linking Words
, it calms down nerves and reduces stress in some individuals. Many therapists, astrologers and tarot card readers play calming
music
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 in the background to slow down individuals and encourage them to focus on solving an issue. The most anxious people might be seen listening to slow-paced
music
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 to control their nerves and attend to an important task.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are some limitations to
this
Linking Words
 perspective. The most prominent one is the genre of
music
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. As discussed above, slow-paced
music
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 might calm an individual
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 upbeat
music
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 might induce anxiety.
For example
Linking Words
, many old people argue that current
music
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 trends are disturbing since they mainly include hip-hop beats, discussion of arms and murders. They consider current
music
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 trends as condescending since they incorporate rap-style and hip hop.
Moerover
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Moreover
, Indian weddings play upbeat
music
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 to celebrate the
festivty
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festivity
, clubs and bars play
music
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 that fits the vibe of an event,
music
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 is played in cars to pump up an individual before going to work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 romantic
music
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 is played to romanticise emotions towards the significant other.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree
to
Correct word choice
that
show examples
music
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a stress-buster
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
music
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 is not primarily made for
calimg
Correct your spelling
calming
 nerves as it is a form of art that comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-expression by enjoying it.
Music
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 has a dynamic nature
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it can induce a variety of reactions in
indivuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 listening to different kinds of
music
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: music can cut stress, but it has other uses too. Make this view even stronger by saying how far you agree in the first part and then keeping all main ideas close to that view.
task response
Some points need more care. Fast music does not always make people feel stress; for many people, it gives joy or energy. Explain that the effect depends on the person, the time, and the kind of music.
task response
Use examples that show the main point more directly. The parts about weddings, clubs, cars, and love songs show many uses of music, but add why these uses mean stress relief is not its main use.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep one main idea in each body part. The second body part has several ideas, so split it into two parts or use shorter groups of examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Words such as "however", "for example", and "as a result" are used well, but some long sentences join too many ideas. Use full stops more often to make the meaning easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the body more closely. The body says some music may raise stress, while the end says music has many effects. Add one short line that brings these two points together.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view.
task response
You use real-life examples, such as calm music in therapy and music at social events.
coherence and cohesion
The overall order is easy to follow: opening view, support, limit, and final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as "However", "For example", and "To conclude".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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