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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on individuals and society. Others believe that it has brought many benefits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It
often
Verb problem
is often
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 argued that
public
Add an article
the public
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 and society
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been influenced by social
media
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 in a negative way,
whereas
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 others prefer it as a beneficial tool. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I will discuss both aspects, followed by my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are numerous factors why
individuals
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 believe social
media
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 negatively effects public
as well as
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 society. One possible cause is social platforms
such
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 as Facebook
,
Correct word choice
and
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 Instagram consuming residents’ lots of time, especially for children. By using social
media
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, children
not
Verb problem
do not
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appropriately concentrate
Correct word order
concentrate appropriately
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 on their
study
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studies
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.
Hence
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, they become less productive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they do not accomplish their ambitions.
In addition
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, social
media
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 runs various
advertisement
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advertisements
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 to influence
public
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the public
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for
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to make
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 unnecessary purchases.
As a result
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,
individuals
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 waste their valuable money by purchasing unneeded products.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, social platforms offer several advantages
among
Punctuation problem
, among
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them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 communications are the most advantageous
factors
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factor
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.
This
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 is because citizens can communicate with their relatives or peers.
For instance
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, nowadays citizens are capable to calls someone
,
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apply
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 who live thousand miles away.
Moreover
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, social
media
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 allows
individuals
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 to make new virtual friends and share their pictures
as well as
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 their own thoughts
,
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;
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 their friends can comment on their posts.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 provides content
creations facility
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creation facilities
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, which can assist
individuals
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to
Change preposition
in
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 earning a huge amount of money by creating new
contents
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content
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. From my
perspective
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perspective,
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 social
media
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 is more beneficial,
although
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 it can impact negatively in some cases.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, even though social platforms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 several disadvantages, I consider
if
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that if
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individuals
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utilize it
Correct pronoun usage
utilise them
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according to
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 their preferences, it will aid them to cover their own expenses.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view. However, make your own view clearer. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, explain how too much time online can harm study, and explain how online work can help people earn money.
task response
Use one clear, real example for each side. The example about calls over a long distance is useful, but add more detail about how it helps families.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this simple plan: bad points, good points, then your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct. Start each body part with a clear main idea, then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'However', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In addition' can help, but do not use too many in one part.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. The end says social media can help people pay for their needs, but this is not the main point of the full essay. End by restating your main view about social media in daily life.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show bad effects, good effects, and your own view.
task response
You give useful ideas, such as less time for study, ads that lead to buying things, long-distance contact, and online work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body part mainly focuses on one side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to show cause, result, and added ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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