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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In the
future
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future,
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 all vehicles, buses and trucks will be automatically driven without the need
of
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for
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 a driver.
This
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 essay will explain why I believe that the merits outweigh the drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
this
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 transformation can have several benefits.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 can be more comfortable using these transportation methods.
In other words
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, sometimes
drivers
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 can be
little
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a little
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 talkative to their passengers, especially if it is combined with the wrong time for talking.
For instance
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, usually
people
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 do not have energy for a conversation in the morning, and
drivers
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 can be unaware of
this
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 and still be talking, which will affect
people
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's
mood
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moods
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 technology can increase safety levels. To illustrate, automatically driving methods will be more precise about dedicating the required space between cars
Punctuation problem
, in
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in order
Correct word choice
so that
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 if anything
happens
Punctuation problem
happens,
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this
Linking Words
 technology can make quick decisions, which can be safer than human
drivers
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, driverless
transportations
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transportation
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 can have several drawbacks.
First,
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sometimes individuals need
drivers
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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in
Change preposition
for
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 long distances.
This
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 can be seen in
people
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 who want to talk to let time pass, and by establishing automatic
driving
Punctuation problem
driving,
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 some
people
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 can be silent for the journey time, which will affect their mood.
In addition
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, some of the public who have
medical
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a medical
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 diagnosis
disease
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apply
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need fast intervention.
For example
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, patients with hypotension episodes can feel dizzy in the car, and with no
drivers
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this
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 could potentially lead to death if there are no interventions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, driverless cars, buses and trucks can have several disadvantages
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such
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, such
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 as some passengers
need
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needing
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 to talk with a driver and patients with medical conditions like hypotension could die without fast intervention by a driver. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the advantages
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such
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, such
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 as
people
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's comfort and the special methods of
safety
Punctuation problem
safety,
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 outweigh the drawbacks.

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task response
Give more weight to the main question. Your view is clear, but you need to show more fully why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use stronger main ideas. Road safety, fewer human mistakes, and more free time for people are more direct good points than not having to talk with a driver.
task response
Explain each example in a clear way. For example, say how a driverless car could call help or take a sick person to a hospital. This would make the point about sick people more fair and complete.
task response
Some ideas are not fully true for all travel. People can talk with other passengers, use a phone, or ask for help through a safety system. Show that you have thought about these points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the link between each main idea and your view clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one short, clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example that directly supports that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. For example, split the sentence about space between cars and quick decisions into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'however', and 'as a result' can help the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You include both good and bad sides, with examples about safety and people who may need help.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two clear sides, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • driverless vehicles
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • increased safety
  • reduced traffic congestion
  • improved efficiency
  • accessibility
  • disabled
  • elderly
  • job displacement
  • privacy concerns
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