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Band 7

The table below shows water use for different purposes in four countries.

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The table below shows water use for different purposes in four countries.
The given table compares the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of water
use
Use synonyms
 for different purposes in four nations.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Canada had the highest proportion in two out of three figures,
whereas
Linking Words
Egypt
Use synonyms
 represented the largest ratio in
Agriculture
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
Use synonyms
 stood apart from others with the lowest rate in domestic
use
Use synonyms
. In detail, the share of
Egypt
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 accounted for 8% in domestic
use
Use synonyms
, compared with 6% for
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
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.
However
Linking Words
, there was a noticeable difference of 10
percentage
Use synonyms
 points between New Zealand in terms of domestic purpose, at 10% and 20%, respectively.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
Egypt
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had only 10%, making it the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared with the others,
whereas
Linking Words
Saudi
Use synonyms
Arabia
Use synonyms
 recorded 30% in industry
use
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the remaining sector was
agriculture
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, New Zealand stood at 46%,
while
Linking Words
 Canada was higher by 24
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, at 70% in terms of industry. The
last
Linking Words
 purpose was
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
Add a semicolon
;
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 the figure for
Egypt
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 came in 82%, which was the largest scale among other countries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a gradual difference of 20
percentage
Use synonyms
 points between
Saudi
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Arabia
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 and New Zealand, at 64% and 44%, respectively. The country
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
show examples
Canada
Punctuation problem
Canada,
show examples
 accounted for 10%, making it the lowest in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, use, egypt, agriculture, saudi, arabia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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