IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school asking if they will accept your son. Describe his academic achievements and scope of interests. You do NOT need to write any address.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Sir/
Madame
Use the right word
Madam
show examples
, I am writing to ask if they will accept my son in your institution.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I have heard about your
school
Use synonyms
 in the news that it
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 most reputable and well-known
school
Use synonyms
 in the locality. As you can
see
Punctuation problem
see,
show examples
 I want my son to attend
this
Linking Words
 shool but it
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on the criteria the
school
Use synonyms
 need from him.
Moreover
Linking Words
, he
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
student
Use synonyms
 from his former
school
Use synonyms
 as he was among the best
Use synonyms
student
Check wording
students
show examples
.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, he was much into the
student
Use synonyms
 association to help, which made him the delegate of the
school
Use synonyms
 from September
last
Linking Words
 year to the end
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 May.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, he has
prized
Verb problem
been praised as
show examples
 the best
student
Use synonyms
 in arts and culture
due to
Linking Words
 it versality playing
the numeous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 roles.
Also
Linking Words
, he is mostly interested in football
he is
Punctuation problem
. His
show examples
 main position is a striker
,
Punctuation problem
. Additionally
show examples
Along with
Linking Words
, he plays piano a lot
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 these two are his major
pass time
Correct your spelling
pastime
 activities. I'm looking forward
hearing
Change preposition
to hearing
show examples
 from you! Yours faithfully! Axel.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ask the Principal more clearly if there is a place for your son and what papers the school needs. Give a little more detail about his school work, such as his best subjects or test results.
task response
Use a more formal style. Write “Dear Sir or Madam,” and end with “Yours faithfully,” without an exclamation mark. Do not use “I’m” in a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for writing, school work, and interests. Make the links between ideas smoother with simple words such as “In addition” and “Finally”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. Put football and piano together in one short final paragraph, and use full sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence forms and word choice so the meaning is clear. For example, write “he has been a successful student” and “his main position is striker.”
task response
You include your son’s school work, his role in the student group, and his interests in football and piano.
coherence and cohesion
The letter uses separate paragraphs and starts with a clear reason for writing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: