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Writing Samples
Band 3

‎Some young people leave the countryside to live in cities or towns, leaving only ‎older people in the countryside. What are the problems of this issue? What can ‎be done to solve this problem?‎

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Introduction
Today, more and more youngsters are migrating to urban areas, leaving their parents and
older
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the older
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 generation in the villages.
Further
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 in
this
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 essay, we will see the main issues
due to
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 urban migration and
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on providing solutions to tackle
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, there is a growing concern that
Linking Words
due to
Correct determiner usage
the
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 movement of people from villages to
cities
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 or towns will have negative consequences like
over-population
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
. To explicate
this
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,
cities
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 will face residential issues.
Due to
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this
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, housing prices will go up
and
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, and
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 it
brings
Wrong verb form
will bring
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 recession to the country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, more young people will take jobs in the
cities
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and
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, and
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as a result
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, there will be no growth in the countryside. To exemplify, recent data shows that only 2% houses are left in
cities
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 for
newer
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the newer
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 generation.
Body paragraph 2
Some possible solutions to address these concerns are that
government
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the government
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 should build modern facilities in the villages as well. They should
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 more factories, production companies so that teenagers could get a job in their home town.
In other words
Linking Words
, by bringing some infrastructure and changes
in country side
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to the countryside
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, and slowly merging them
to
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with
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cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 could improve youngsters’ life and they can deny
to
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apply
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the idea of moving away from their families.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
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, migration can have negative effects on the country, but by taking effective measures and bringing changes, it can help towards the betterment of the economy.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You name problems and give some ways to help, but each main point needs more clear detail.
task response
Keep the focus on the countryside. Explain how young people leaving can harm farms, local work, shops, and care for older people.
task response
Make sure each cause and result is true and clear. Higher house prices do not directly cause a country-wide recession. Use a more direct result, such as poor housing, traffic, or pressure on hospitals.
task response
Give a real or clear made-up example. The line about “only 2% houses” is not clear: say where this data is from, what it means, and why it matters.
task response
Develop the solutions. Say who will act, what they will do, and how this will help young people stay. For example, the government can improve schools, roads, internet, health care, and local jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. This is a good basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from city crowding to house prices, recession, and no countryside growth too quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more natural. Do not overuse “Due to this” and “Furthermore”. Explain the link in a full sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “One major problem is that villages lose workers and services.” Then explain this idea before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
The ending should repeat the key problems and key solutions in a direct way. It should not add a new general idea about the economy.
task response
You discuss both the problems and the ways to solve them.
task response
Your ideas about local jobs and better village facilities are useful and fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs helps the reader follow your main plan.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all”, “Furthermore”, and “To summarize” show that you are trying to guide the reader.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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