In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

IT IS WIDELY ARGUED THAT

CHILDREN

Use synonyms

ARE BECOMING OVERWEIGHT AND UNHEALTHY

DUE TO

Linking Words

THE

CONSUMPTIONS

Check wording

CONSUMPTION

show examples

OF MORE JUNK FOODS, IN MANY COUNTRIES. SOME SUGGEST ITS GOVERNMENT DUTIES TO LOOK

AFTER

Linking Words

THIS

Linking Words

MATTER.

ALTHOUGH

Linking Words

THERE ARE VALID ARGUMENTS ON BOTH SIDES OF

VIEW

Add an article

THE VIEW

show examples

. I FIRMLY BELIEVE IT SHOULD BE SOLVED BY

GOVERNMENT

Add an article

THE GOVERNMENT

show examples

THIS

Linking Words

ESSASY

Correct your spelling

ESSAY

WILL OUTLINE THE MAIN REASONS SUPPORTING THE VIEW.

Body paragraph 1

TO EMBARK UPON, PROCESSED

FOOD

Use synonyms

GAIN LOTS OF POPULARITY AMONG YOUNGSTERS

DUE TO

Linking Words

ITS PRICE AND READY TO EAT FACTOR.

ALSO

Linking Words

THIS

Linking Words

WOULD

CONSUMED

Verb problem

BE CONSUMED

show examples

LOT

Add an article

A LOT

show examples

CHILDREN

Use synonyms

OWING TO THEIR

APPERENCE

Correct your spelling

APPEARANCE

AND TEMPTING PRESENTATION.

MOREOVER

Linking Words

THIS

Linking Words

LEADS TO THE MULTIPLE HEALTH RELATED DISEASE CONDITIONS

SUCH

Linking Words

AS OBESITY, HIGH CHOLESTEROL, AND HEART PROBLEMS.

FOR INSTANCE

Linking Words

, GREATER CONSUMPTION OF OILY

FOOD

Use synonyms

LEDS TO STROKE IN A VERY HEALTHY INDIVIDUAL.

THEREFORE

Linking Words

, IT IS LARGELY AFFECTED ON PEOPLE WHO DOESNOT HAVE TIME TO COOK MEAL FOR HIMSELF.

Body paragraph 2

ANOTHER

COMPELING

Correct your spelling

COMPELLING

REASON IS THAT

HIGHE

Correct your spelling

HIGH

AUTHORITIES SHOULD TAKE

RESPONSIBILITIES

Check wording

RESPONSIBILITY

show examples

REDUCED

Wrong verb form

REDUCE

show examples

THIS

Linking Words

KIND OF CONDITIONS AMONG

CHILDRENS

Replace the word

CHILDREN

AS, AS THE NUMBER OF DISEASE CONDITION INCREASED

Correct word order

AS THE NUMBER OF DISEASE CONDITIONS INCREASES

show examples

, IT WILL HIGHLY EFFECTED ON HOSPITALS AND POPULATION RATES.

IN ADDITION

Linking Words

, TAX CAN BE IMPLEMENTED ON THE CART ,

ALSO

Linking Words

SCHOOLS SHOULD

ALSO

Linking Words

BE METICULOUS REGARDING THE

FOOD

Use synonyms

HABIT OF THE

CHILDREN

Use synonyms

. TO EPITOMISE, SCHOOL SHOULD EDUCATED CHILD ABOUT THE BAD EFFEVCTS OF UNHEALTHY FOODS AND HOW TO OVERCOME WITH THESE THINGS. SO THAT

CHILDRENS FOCOUSED

Wrong verb form

CHILDREN FOCUSED

show examples

MORE ON

BRINGINF

Correct your spelling

BRINGING

HEALTHY

FOOD

Use synonyms

Conclusion

TO RECAPITULATE, I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT

HAVING

Verb problem

BEING

show examples

FREE FROM JUNK WILL

DECREASED DOWN

Wrong verb form

DECREASE

show examples

THE OVERWEIGHT PROBLEMS .

ALSO

Linking Words

, SOME POLICIES SHOULD BE INITIATED BY

GOVERNMENT

Add an article

THE GOVERNMENT

show examples

ON BEHALF OF

Use synonyms

CHILDREN

Check wording

CHILDREN'S

show examples

GROWTH. GIVEN THESE CONSIDERATION, IT SEEMS CLEAR THAT,

THIS

Linking Words

PROBLME CAN BE PREVENTED WITH POSITIVE APPROACH BY HIGHER AUTHORITIES AND INSTITUTIONS.

sc102219

Oct 13, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

State your view clearly: the government should have a main role, but parents and schools should help too. This makes your answer more complete.

task response

Give two clear reasons why the government must act. For example, it can put tax on junk food, limit ads for children, and make school meals healthy.

task response

Explain each idea more. Do not only say that junk food causes health problems; say how government action can change what children eat.

task response

Use a real or clear made-up example. The example about stroke is not a good fit because the essay is about children. Use an example about a school food rule or a tax on sweet drinks.

coherence and cohesion

Use a simple plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body part.

coherence and cohesion

Start each body part with a clear main sentence. Then give an explanation and an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words in a natural way, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Avoid very formal starts like “To embark upon” and “To epitomise”.

coherence and cohesion

Make the link between ideas clearer. For example: “Because many parents are busy, children may eat more ready-made food. Therefore, the government should make healthy food easier to buy.”

coherence and cohesion

Check word forms and sentence order. For example, write “government responsibility”, “children”, “affect”, “reduce”, and “schools should educate children”.

task response

You give a clear view that the government should help solve the problem.

task response

You include useful government actions, such as tax and school food rules.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

You use some linking words to show the order of your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

obesity epidemic
public health policies
nutritional education
sedentary lifestyle
healthcare costs
junk food advertisements
dietary habits
physical activity
grassroots movements
community initiatives
subsidies
socioeconomic status
holistic approach
government intervention
parental responsibility

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8.5
band
You are planning a business to another city. You will have some free time to do some sightseeing while you are there. ● Write a letter to a friend who lives in the city you will visit. In your letter ● Explain the purpose of the trip ● Ask about thing to do and see in the city ● Invite your friend to do something with you during your visit
How are you? It seems years since we last saw each other in Vancouver. I hope that you and your family are all well. I am incredibly excited to let you know that I will have a business trip to Calgary for two weeks. I know that you are living in this city, therefore, it would be wonderful if I could see you there.
6.5
band
You have recently moved to a different house. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter -Explain why you have moved -Describe the new apartment -Invite him or her to pay a visit
I would like to give the information about my moving to the other house. My old accommodation was far from my university and on the street where was located my old home there was not any transport, Every time when I wanted to go out I had to take a taxi. So I decided to change my house.
7.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the modern world, it is undeniable that environmental issues have become a major global concern. Some people believe that the loss of specific species of plants and animals is the most serious environmental problem of our time, while others argue that there are more important issues to address. In this essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives.
7.5
band
The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?
In this present world, the usage of the internet for educational purposes is constantly on the rise. Even many people use it as a platform to read books. However, I disagree that books will be totally substituted for Internet. Analyzing the tactile and isolated experience of reading a physical book, as well as its collectivity value will prove this.
6.5
band
There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Globalisation has certainly brought the world, people and businesses together. There are some people, who judge this progress. I completely agree, that globalisation has developed our world and has made it a whole big place and a market.

In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government to solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You have recently moved to a different house. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter -Explain why you have moved -Describe the new apartment -Invite him or her to pay a visit

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The internet has become profoundly efficient and popular that people choose it as a platform to learn. Some believe that it would eventually replace the need for books. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?