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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cites and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
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 to cities
leaving
Punctuation problem
, leaving
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 villages,and
this
Linking Words
 may cause problems
such
Linking Words
 as
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of young workers and
closure
Add an article
the closure
show examples
 of
schools
Use synonyms
 and
business
Check wording
businesses
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will address problems and solutions to
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays, cities are becoming more and more develop than comparing to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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.
Varities
Use the right word
Varieties
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 of shopping complexes, International food restaurants and
world renowed
Correct your spelling
world-renowned
 brands are available in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 urban town at your
fingertip
Check wording
fingertips
show examples
, and
therefore
Linking Words
, youngsters migrate to big cities for a better future.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no available young generation to work in rural areas. As children look for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
schools
Use synonyms
 with
fasinating
Correct your spelling
fascinating
 privileges, small
schools
Use synonyms
 are at risk of closing. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, a friend of mine did a survey one year ago to find out whether the city or the village is popular among new generations to live in. Out of 50
students
Add a comma
students,
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 42 of the answers were the city.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the government has to take necessary actions to mitigate these problems before
this
Linking Words
 goes too far. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, in Sri
Lanka
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Lanka,
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 the government
introduce
Wrong verb form
introduced
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 a new concept themed, " closer school is the best school" for rural areas, so the students from small villages will remain in their education institute, rather than trying to go to a big school.
Also
Linking Words
, the government can improve infrastructure
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals,village centres and
schools
Use synonyms
 to attract
new
Add an article
the new
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 generation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the state has to be accountable for
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
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 of rural areas, if they do not take
required
Add an article
the required
show examples
iniatives
Correct your spelling
initiatives
 to minimise the issue.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the problems in more detail, such as too few workers on farms, less care for old people, and the loss of local shops and services.
task response
Make the link between each problem and young people leaving clearer. For example, say that when young people leave, farms may not have enough workers and old people may have no family help.
task response
Give more than one clear solution. Better schools and hospitals are useful, but also add jobs, good roads, fast internet, and help for small local business.
task response
Your survey example is linked to the topic, but it does not prove the main problems. Use an example that shows a result in a village, such as a school closing because there are too few children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on problems, one paragraph on solutions, and a short conclusion. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. Then explain it and give one example. Do not put several different ideas together without full support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like “as a result”, “for example”, “therefore”, and “also” are good, but make sure each one shows a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. Use “rural areas” or “the countryside” throughout, instead of changing often between “villages”, “rural areas”, and “small villages”.
task response
You address both the problems and the solutions, so your essay stays on the main topic.
task response
The ideas about jobs, schools, hospitals, and roads are useful and fit the question well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking phrases, such as “To begin with”, “As a result”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • migration
  • urbanization
  • countryside
  • isolation
  • community engagement
  • economic decline
  • cultural heritage
  • local services
  • deterioration
  • demographics
  • urban areas
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • elderly
  • quality of life
  • sustainability
  • revitalization
  • social interaction
  • local economy
  • incentives
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