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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The issue of the young
people
Use synonyms
 who
leaving
Verb problem
are leaving
show examples
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 and
town
Check wording
towns
show examples
,and leaving only the old
people
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
countryside
Punctuation problem
countryside,
show examples
 has become a significant concern in recent years.It is widely believed that old
people
Use synonyms
 can not live alone.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of
this
Linking Words
probem
Correct your spelling
problem
 and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many young
people
Use synonyms
 want to study in good schools or
universties
Correct your spelling
universities
,which
they
Verb problem
are
show examples
 difficult to find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.The main reason is that
cities
Use synonyms
 have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more developed
than
Check wording
universities than
show examples
 in
coutruside universites
Correct your spelling
countryside universities
Another
Punctuation problem
. Another
show examples
 factor is that many young
people
Use synonyms
 want to get a
high
Correct word choice
high-paying
show examples
 job.
For instance
Linking Words
,if a young man
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 money,and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 certificates and high grades,he will
go to live
Verb problem
move
show examples
 to the city to get a
high
Correct word choice
high-paying
show examples
 job,which
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might
have
Verb problem
require him
show examples
 to live in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 city.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,many young
people
Use synonyms
 do not like to live in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 because they think
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 a boring place,and there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no modern facilities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
or places for entertainment.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that the government should build modern schools and universities,which would help by decreasing the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 who want to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 and
town
Check wording
towns
show examples
,and make it
accessable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to study with the old
people
Use synonyms
.Another solution is that the government should establish new companies to provide more
jop apportunities
Correct your spelling
job opportunities
,which can assist young
people
Use synonyms
 to work ,and take care of the old
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,the young
people
Use synonyms
 who
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to live in
cities
Use synonyms
 and
town
Check wording
towns
show examples
,and
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 only the old
people
Use synonyms
 in the
Use synonyms
countryside
Punctuation problem
countryside,
show examples
 is a pressing issue.By
adopting build
Verb problem
building
show examples
 modern schools and universities ,and
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
 new companies to provide
jops
Correct your spelling
jobs
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 ,we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Your essay gives reasons why young people leave and ways to stop this. However, the question asks for problems caused by this change. Write more about the results: old people may have no one to help them, farms may have too few workers, and small villages may lose shops and services.
task response
Make each main idea clear and fully explain it. For example, say how fewer young workers can hurt food work and village life. Then give a solution that directly helps this problem, such as money or land help for young farmers.
task response
Use examples that fit the point. The example about a young man who needs money shows why he moves, but it does not show a problem caused in the countryside. Add a short example of an old person who cannot get help or a farm with no workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first body part about problems, not causes. A simple plan is: Paragraph 1: problems for old people and villages. Paragraph 2: ways the state and firms can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “Therefore” can help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, school, jobs, and fun places are all reasons for moving. They should be in a short cause paragraph only if needed. For this question, give more space to the problems after young people leave.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter and clearer. For example, write: “Cities have better schools and more jobs. Therefore, many young people move there.” This is easier to read than a long sentence with many ideas.
task response
You give two useful ways to help: better schools and more jobs in the countryside.
task response
You understand that young people often move for study, work, and a more active life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
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