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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that teaching methodology in the modern class room should be based on experiential learning while others believe that traditional approach is the best. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the opinion?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some people say that a person’s
success
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 is
as
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apply
show examples
a direct result of the
way
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 they were brought up by their
parents
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. Do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 1
There are some people who think that a person’s accomplishment is a direct consequence of the
way
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 they
raised
Verb problem
were raised
show examples
 by their
parents
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. I agree that
parents
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 have a great role
on
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in
show examples
 a person’s achievements
,
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;
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on the other hand
Linking Words
,
upbringing
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 is just
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
one of the
factors
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 that determine
success
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain how
upbringing
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 style
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 before mentioning other
factors
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.
Body paragraph 2
First of all,
children
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 give a high priority to the actions or words of their
parents
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 and
then
Linking Words
 imitate them. If
parents
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 are brave, emotionally intelligent,
emphatic
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empathetic
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, responsible, and other
kind
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kinds
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 of positive characteristics which are necessary for being successful, their
children
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probably will
Correct word order
will probably
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 be
a person
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apply
show examples
like them in future.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 can help them
on
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with
show examples
 their school subjects, especially math, language, and history.
Parents
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 can
also
Linking Words
 teach
children
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 some hard skills, including how to use some apps,
computer
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computers
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, and AI tools that are important for
future
Add an article
the future
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 technological world. For these reasons,
child’s
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a child’s
show examples
upbringing
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Use synonyms
way
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apply
show examples
is essential
on
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to
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 their future
successes
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success
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
success
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 does not depend on only
upbringing
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. There are other
factors
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 that determine accomplishment.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
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 should tend to be responsible, to think critically,
analyze
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analyse
show examples
, and want to contribute
society
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to society
show examples
.
Parents
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 cannot impose
all
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on all
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
their
children
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
at
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in
show examples
 the end
of
Punctuation problem
, of
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 the day
children
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 will be
a person
Fix the agreement mistake
the people
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 they want
.
Verb problem
to be.
show examples
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are some people who
raised
Verb problem
were raised
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 poorly by their family
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 they are
orphan
Fix the agreement mistake
orphans
show examples
, but still educated themselves in a proper
way
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 and
been
Verb problem
have been
show examples
 successful.
As a result
Linking Words
,
upbringing
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Use synonyms
way
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apply
show examples
is not the only
way
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 to be a successful person.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
parents
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 have an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the achievements of their
children
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 via teaching them different skills or knowledge, but there are
also
Linking Words
 other
factors
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, including innate characteristics
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the determining of a
success
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.

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task response
Make your main view more direct. You agree that parents are important, but you also say they are only one part. State clearly that you partly agree, then keep this view through the whole essay.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain how a parent’s actions can help a child build habits, and explain how school, friends, chance, and the child’s own work can also lead to success.
task response
Use clear, real examples. For example, a child may learn to work hard by seeing a parent study or work every day. An orphan may do well because of a good teacher and strong self-belief.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims, such as parents teaching many school subjects or AI tools. These ideas can work, but they need a clear link to success.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two body parts, and end. Keep this shape, but make the first sentence of each body part show the exact main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Instead of using 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' many times, use links such as 'For example', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result' where they show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences clearer. For example, write 'the way parents raise their children' instead of 'child’s upbringing way', and write 'success does not depend only on upbringing' instead of 'does not depend on only upbringing.'
coherence and cohesion
Do not put too many ideas in one sentence. Shorter sentences will make your meaning easier to follow, especially in the first body part.
task response
You answer the question and give a balanced view: parents matter, but they are not the only cause of success.
task response
Your ideas are on topic. You discuss parent example, help with learning, the child’s own choices, and people with hard early lives.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main side of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear ending that returns to your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiential learning
  • engagement
  • active participation
  • in-depth understanding
  • real-world application
  • problem-solving
  • critical thinking
  • traditional methodology
  • structured approach
  • foundational knowledge
  • assessments
  • standardized testing
  • diverse learning styles
  • theoretical knowledge
  • uncertain outcomes
  • basic skills
  • resource-intensive
  • feasible
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