IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others believe that there are other alternative solutions for reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion on this topic.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that limiting the crime percentage is a crucial topic for every community.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that the longer the prison sentences
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 lower the crime ratio will be, there is
also
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 an argument that says there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 better solutions than
this
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.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view
ans
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and
 express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
longer
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a longer
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 prison stay is expensive.
In other words
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, the governments need to fund these
insttitutions
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institutions
 for their huge operation
expenss
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expenses
.
In addition
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,
this
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 solution definitely
dose
Use the right word
does
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 not affect the
criminals
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criminal's
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 behaviour in the outside world.
For example
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, many articles
says
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say
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 most of the people who commit these falonies dose not have a criminal
recored
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record
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 before.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, public work
panelties
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panels
 could be more helpful. It is
also
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 possible to say that
this
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 could turn the prisoners into a better version of
themselfes
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is a good choice to add more hands in contributing
for
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to
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 the city hiygen.
For instance
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, cleaning the parks and streets
from the
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of
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 food leftovers or the animals wastes.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 there are no easy answers for
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,
i
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I
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 tend to believe that convincing the popultions with transfering the the prisoners
into
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to
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 a place
,
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apply
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were
Use the right word
where
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 their
existance
Replace the word
existence
 could be
needed
Verb problem
ensured
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 is
wise
Add an article
a wise
show examples
 solution. The volunteering work should not be only about cleaning, they could
also
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provides
Wrong verb form
provide
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 their
sevices
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services
 to the
olders
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older people
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 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 alone.
Also
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,
animals
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animal
show examples
 shelters will be the most place were they would benefit from them.

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task response
Discuss the first view more fully. Explain why some people think longer prison terms can cut crime, such as by keeping dangerous people away from the public and warning others not to break the law.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. You support other ways, but say if prison should still be used for very serious crime.
task response
Give stronger support for public work. Explain how it may help people learn work skills, take care of others, and return to normal life without more crime.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. The cleaning example is useful, but add how this work may change a person or help the public.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph should focus on longer prison terms; the second should focus on other ways.
coherence and cohesion
Your first body paragraph does not clearly support the view about longer prison terms. Start with the reason people support it, then explain its weak points if needed.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Avoid using 'In other words' when the next sentence gives a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph shorter and clearer. Restate your view, then give one or two main reasons. Do not add many new ideas at the end.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear personal view in the final paragraph.
task response
You use relevant ideas, such as the cost of prison and public work for people who break the law.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, including 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Moreover', and 'For instance'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • habitual offenders
  • retribution
  • rehabilitation
  • overcrowding
  • recidivism
  • community service
  • restorative justice
  • crime prevention programs
  • youth mentorship
  • neighborhood watch
  • justice system
  • re-offending
  • financial strain
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