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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that people who read books can develop more imagination and language skills than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Books
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 have become a common source of information for humanity. Many
people
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 believe that reading
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 make
people
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 more imaginative compared to watching
television
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. I firmly disagree with
this
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 statement because
television
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 could help
people
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 gain a new perspective to imagine something and improve their
language
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 through particular channels.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that human
imagination
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 is often limited by their own perspective and knowledge. Through TV content,
such
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 as fantasy movies adapted from
books
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,
people
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 could compare their own
imagination
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 with it, which is produced by combining multiple ideas and advanced CGI technology, resulting in a new understanding of how a particular event or moment in a book could be
visualized
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visualised
show examples
.
For instance
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, by watching Marvel movies, it is easier for some
people
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 to imagine alien technology, time travel, or even the possibility of multiverse existence. From that activity,
people
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 might broaden and break the limits of their
imagination
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 and become more creative.
Body paragraph 2
Another compelling reason is that it is easier for
people
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 to learn a
language
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 through practical ways compared to reading it by themselves. Watching some shows on TV, which use a foreign
language
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in it
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apply
show examples
, can expose
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 watchers (especially children) to new languages unconsciously. High exposure to foreign content for children could improve their listening and speaking skills at the same time, even though they cannot read.
For example
Linking Words
, by watching documentary shows on TV, children might learn new vocabulary and know how to pronounce it.
As a result
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,
people
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 could learn a
language
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 as early as possible from the right content on
television
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.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
show examples
,
although
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 many
people
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 believe that
books
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 offer better
imagination
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 and
language
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 skills. I firmly believe that proper
utilization
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utilisation
show examples
 of
television
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 could help to develop those skills much better than
books
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.

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task response
Your answer has a clear view: TV can help people build imagination and learn language. To make this view stronger, also say more clearly why TV is better than books, not only why TV is useful.
task response
The first main point is clear, but the Marvel example mainly shows ideas from films. Explain more about how viewers then make their own new ideas, rather than only seeing ideas made by others.
task response
The language point is useful. Add a short note that reading can also help with words, but TV may be better for sound, listening, and speaking. This makes your disagreement more fair and full.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long. Break them into two shorter sentences so each idea is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links such as “However”, “In contrast”, and “For this reason” when you compare books and TV. This will make the movement between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, avoid using “although” as a full sentence start without a matching second part. You can write: “Although books can help these skills, I believe TV can help more when people watch the right content.”
task response
You answer both parts of the topic: imagination and language skills.
task response
Your examples are on topic, especially films for imagination and foreign-language shows for listening and speaking.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph begins with a clear main idea and then gives an example.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction states your view clearly, and the ending returns to it.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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