IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries import a large amount of food from other parts of the world. Is it a positive or negative development?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many
countries
Use synonyms
 import
food
Use synonyms
 in large quantities from other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
ALthough
Capitalize the word
Although
show examples
this
Linking Words
 development can have some disadvantages, I believe that it is positive because it provides people with a wider range of
food
Use synonyms
 and allows
countries
Use synonyms
 economic opportunities.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of importing
food
Use synonyms
 is that it gives consumers
acces
Correct your spelling
access
 to a greater variety of products. Different
countries
Use synonyms
 have various climates, which means that no single country can grow everything locally. For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
,
countries
Use synonyms
 with cold climates may need to import tropical fruits
such
Linking Words
 as bananas and mangoes.
As a result
Linking Words
, people can enjoy a more diverse diet throughout the year.
Body paragraph 2
Another benefit is the economic opportunity that international trade provides. Some
countries
Use synonyms
 have
have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
particularly suitable conditions for producing certain crops and can export them to
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can generate major export revenue and create employment, especially in rural areas.
For instance
Linking Words
, Ecuador exports
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 amount of bananas, which provides employment for many people in rural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, importing and exporting
food
Use synonyms
 can support both businesses and local communities.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, heavy reliance on
food
Use synonyms
 imports can bring drawbacks. Importing
food
Use synonyms
 for long distances can have a negative impact on the environment as transportation
requieres
Correct your spelling
requires
 fuel and produces carbon emissions. But I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 disadvantage can be reduced by improving transportation methods and supporting local production.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 importing
food
Use synonyms
 can have some drawbacks, I believe that the benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as greater
food
Use synonyms
 variety and economic
opportunities
Punctuation problem
opportunities,
show examples
 outweigh the drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your answer clearly gives one view: this is a positive change. To make the view stronger, explain more fully why the good points are greater than the bad point. For example, say how better transport and more local food can lower the harm from travel.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and on topic: more food choice and more jobs. Add one more clear detail to each idea. This will make your support more full and more convincing.
task response
Your examples fit well. Check small word forms: write “large amounts of bananas” and “rural areas.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two good points, one bad point, and an ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “However” starts the bad point well, but “But” at the start of the next sentence is less smooth. You could write: “This harm can be reduced by better transport and more local production.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the last body paragraph and your main view more direct. State that the bad point is real but can be made smaller, so the good points still win.
task response
You answer the whole question and make your opinion clear from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
The examples of tropical fruit in cold countries and bananas from Ecuador are clear, useful, and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well and clearly restate your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: