IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every generation of people is different in important ways. How is your generation different from your parents’ generation? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

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Introduction
With the passage of
time
Use synonyms
changes
Punctuation problem
, changes
show examples
 occur in every generation. I feel my generation is significantly different from my
parents
Use synonyms
' generation. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss how the medical facilities, reliable transportation, and educational
seriveces
Correct your spelling
services
, which we are
using
Punctuation problem
using,
show examples
 are almost completely different from
ours'
Correct pronoun usage
those of our
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, numerous diseases are curable nowadays
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of advancements in medical research. To elaborate,
although
Linking Words
 in my
parents
Use synonyms
'
time
Use synonyms
 natural herbs were being used for
treatment
Add an article
the treatment
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patients, in my era, we do use scientifically approved
medicians
Use the right word
medications
show examples
.
Additionally
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,
realiable
Correct your spelling
reliable
 diagnostic machines and surgical
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
 are
also
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 used.
For instance
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, a few decades ago, Tuberculosis was not treatable, but doctors
now can
Correct word order
can now
show examples
 easily diagnose it and give medicine to the patients.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, transportation has made travelling faster. Currently, distinct
mode
Check wording
modes
show examples
 of
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
, including railway, air, and
road
Punctuation problem
road,
show examples
 are used. Because of air
fly
Check wording
travel
show examples
, a lot of people can travel
outdide
Correct your spelling
outside
 their country and enjoy travelling.
In contrast
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, during my
parents
Use synonyms
'
time
Use synonyms
, a few
moterbikes
Correct your spelling
motorbikes
 and buses were used
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 these facilities were limited,
therefore
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 many people faced challenges in travelling.
For example
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, my
parents
Use synonyms
 often told me their stories that they often miss their buses because of no space in the buses.
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
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, around 30-40 years
back
Rephrase
ago
show examples
, educational services were limited to only rich people because educational
instutions
Use the right word
institutions
show examples
 charged lots of fees.
However
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, during my span, a large proportion of
governent
Correct your spelling
government
 funding is used
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 educational services
such
Linking Words
 as construction of schools, colleges,minimal fees, free
stationey facilites
Correct your spelling
stationery facilities
, and
fee
Correct word choice
free
show examples
 books.
Thus
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, many lower nad middle class families became eligible to afford school fees.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Pakistan, a decade ago, government schools were providing free books to all students in
Punjab
Add an article
the Punjab
show examples
provience
Correct your spelling
province
, leading to more admissions in schools.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 era,
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care sector,
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
, and education
department
Check wording
departments
show examples
 were focused
minimal
Replace the word
minimally
, but in my
geneation
Correct your spelling
generation
, these sectors are
priorised
Correct your spelling
prioritised
 more by the governments.

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task response
You answer the question well. You give three clear ways your life is different: health care, travel, and school. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why each change matters in daily life.
task response
Your examples are useful, especially the example about TB and free books in Punjab. Check that each fact is clear and fully true. For example, say that TB is now easier to treat, rather than saying it was not treatable.
task response
Use more personal detail. You could add one short example from your own life, such as a time when you used a bus, a hospital, or a school service that your parents did not have.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, three main parts, and an ending. The words Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly, However, and In conclusion help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first part, start with health care, then give the old way, the new way, and one result. This will make the links between sentences smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or joined with a comma. Break them into two short sentences. For example: “In my parents’ time, only a few buses and motorbikes were available. As a result, many people found travel hard.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match the main parts more closely. It should repeat health care, transport, and education in the same order, then give one final thought about how life has changed.
task response
You stay on the main topic and compare your generation with your parents’ generation throughout the essay.
task response
You use clear and real examples, such as better medical tests, air travel, and free school books.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main topic.
coherence and cohesion
You include both an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay feels complete.
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