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Writing Samples
Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world go hungry. why is this the caces? what can be done about this problem?

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Introduction
It is undisputed that agriculture has evolved a lot
due to
Linking Words
 modern science and technology. Regardless of
such
Linking Words
 changes, a crucial number of people around the world have inadequate
food
Use synonyms
 and,
therefore
Linking Words
, suffer from health diseases. I strongly believe that there is a combination of reasons for the case existing, and the most widespread one is the low level of residents' income or the high rate of unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine my points of view in detail and offer strategies to avoid the issue.
Body paragraph 1
It is argued that a technology-driven world provokes problems in the labour market, particularly because robotics and automated machines take over employees' work in manufacturing or data-processing fields. Ultimately, structural unemployment is an inevitable problem. Workers lose their workplaces and cannot find a job;
likewise
Linking Words
, their families take a financial burden, having a shortage
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 to buy
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, most residents from a village in the Chuvash Republic, where
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am a native, lost their permanent
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
 in a beer factory
due to
Linking Words
 robotics, and most of them do not have money to purchase staple
food
Use synonyms
. To deal with the problem, governments should provide reforms in the labour market and ensure an increase in
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 force.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason is the low income in the non-developed countries. Despite the fact that agriculture has improved, individuals receive tiny wages , basically in Africa, parts of Asia, and there is hunger.
For example
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 have seen a documentary recently about South Africa, and it can be seen that adults die from poverty and hunger, and how they care about their children. To deal with the problem , states must support
such
Linking Words
 families by loans, financial incentives and provide a great
food
Use synonyms
 supply.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I am convinced that authorities must shoulder responsibilities for their low-income residents by providing support , adequate
food
Use synonyms
 and job places.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give causes and ways to help. To make your ideas stronger, explain that hunger is not only caused by job loss. War, poor roads, food waste, and unfair food supply can also stop food from reaching people.
task response
Your first cause does not clearly link to advances in farming. You talk mainly about robots in factories and office work. Focus more on why food may be hard to buy or reach, even when farms grow more food.
task response
Give fuller steps for each answer. For example, governments can give food to poor families now, while also helping farmers with water, seeds, roads, and fair prices in the long term.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. The village example is useful, but say how many jobs were lost or how this led to less food at home. Avoid a TV example if you cannot give clear facts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep one main cause and one matching answer in each body part so the reader can follow your plan easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas more direct. In the first body part, explain the cause, show its result, give an example, and then give the answer. This will make each paragraph easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'therefore', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'because of this' can show the link between job loss, low pay, and hunger more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not exact, such as 'ensure an increase in labour force'. Say clearly what the government should do, for example: 'create jobs and give workers new skills'.
task response
You give a clear view and deal with both causes and solutions.
task response
The essay uses a real-life example from your home area, which makes the point feel more real.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a main topic, and the ending brings your main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
You often use signpost words such as 'For example', 'Another reason', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • food insecurity
  • nutritious food
  • regional disparities
  • economic barriers
  • political instability
  • agricultural productivity
  • climate change
  • extreme weather events
  • infrastructure
  • supply chains
  • consumer habits
  • food waste
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