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Writing Samples
Band 3

it is often said that crime is one of the main things that makes the quality of life poorer. what are the problems associated with this tendency, and what are the possible solutions.

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Introduction
Many people
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that quality of life has been negatively affected with the
increase
Use synonyms
 in criminal activity all
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 us. There are a plethora of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 predicament, which lead to numerous issues and
forcebly
Correct your spelling
forcefully
 developed solutions.
Body paragraph 1
To start with, the
increase
Use synonyms
 in crime rate can cause disruption in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 on many levels. People may feel unsafe in their own neighbourhood,
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 at night.
many
Capitalize the word
Many
show examples
 of them will stop using public spaces like park,
library
Check wording
apply
show examples
and public transport.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 cause disruptions in
bussinesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
, investments and property values would reduce in that area.
For example
Linking Words
, certain parts of Mexico, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 under the control of local goons,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considered a dangerous place
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for foreigners to be.
Body paragraph 2
To curb
this
Linking Words
 issue,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
increase
Use synonyms
 visible police patrols in high-risk areas and respond quickly to reports.
Local
Add an article
The local
show examples
 surveillance team can
increase
Use synonyms
 the number of CCTV cameras and better street lighting to
increase
Use synonyms
 public safety at night. Self-defence programs in schools and community groups can
also
Linking Words
 enable people to protect themselves in adverse situations. Promoting education, increasing job opportunities and supporting families in financial need can
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 help
mitigating
Wrong verb form
mitigate
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Conclusion
In conclusion, crime can disrupt a
communities
Check wording
community's
show examples
 way of life, for current and future generations
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 many aspects
ruining
Punctuation problem
, ruining
show examples
 their chances of improving themselves
increasing
Punctuation problem
, increasing
show examples
 stress, mental illness and poverty.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you show how crime harms daily life and give ways to cut crime. To make the answer stronger, explain each main idea more. For example, say how fear can lead to less trade, fewer jobs, and a poor area.
task response
Some solutions are useful, such as more police, cameras, lights, school help, and jobs. Add who should do each thing and why it may work. For example, the state can fund job help for young people so they have less need to join crime groups.
task response
Your Mexico example is linked to the point, but it is too broad and not fully explained. Use one clear, simple example, or explain exactly how crime there affects visitors, shops, and local people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, one paragraph on problems, one on answers, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening more direct. State that you will discuss the problems and the answers.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main problem in each part of the first body paragraph. You now move from fear to public places to shops and home prices very fast. Use clear links such as “First”, “As a result”, and “This also means” to show how the ideas join.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph adds new points, such as stress, mental health, and poverty, but does not explain them. A final paragraph should mainly sum up the ideas already given. Also check full stops and capital letters, as these help the reader follow your work.
task response
You stay on the main topic and give both problems and possible answers.
task response
The ideas about fear in public places, harm to shops, police work, lights, and job chances are all useful and fit the task.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs have clear jobs: one looks at the bad effects of crime and the next gives ways to deal with it.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “To start with”, and “In conclusion” help show the shape of your answer.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • sense of security
  • fear of crime
  • feel unsafe
  • high-crime area
  • violent offences
  • property crime
  • financial loss
  • psychological stress
  • public safety
  • police presence
  • community policing
  • street lighting
  • surveillance cameras
  • crime prevention
  • strict law enforcement
  • root causes of crime
  • employment opportunities
  • youth programmes
  • rehabilitation services
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