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Band 4.5

It is importnat for childern to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that teaching children is very important.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
punishment
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 is vital to teach the
child
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 the difference between right and wrong, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I agree that
punishment
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 is needed when you are raising a
child
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. The kid does not know about the difference between what is the right and wrong, especially at an early age. So,
Punishment
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 is considered an effective way to let him
recognize
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recognise
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this
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 difference.
However
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, there are specific methods
are
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that are
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 allowed to use, when you
puish
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push
 the
child
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such
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, such
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 as no games or TV, no outdoor activities, and sitting in a chair for more than 30 minutes, but
this
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 is only in
a
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apply
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particular situations.
In addition
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, these methods help to make the
child
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's character more confident and responsible.
Body paragraph 2
Some parents and teachers use harmful
punishment
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such
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 as hitting or screaming, as they consider it a very helpful way. But there is a research has been conducted by a very expert psychologist who mentioned that these methods can damage the
child
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's psychology.
Also
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, the
child
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 who
raised
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is raised
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 in
this
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 manner will have a very weak personality when he grows up.
Body paragraph 3
Another point to consider is that
punishment
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 should be the
last
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solution
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resort
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. If a
child
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 does not
learn
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learn,
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 he should be punished using only simple ways.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
punishment
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 should be used to teach the kid how to behave well.

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task response
Answer both parts of the task fully. State how far you agree, then say what kinds of punishment are right. Give a clear view that calm, short punishments may help, but hitting and shouting should not be used.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why taking away TV or games can teach a child, and explain how parents should tell the child what they did wrong and what to do next time.
task response
Use a real or clear example. For example, if a child hurts another child, a parent can stop play for a short time, ask the child to say sorry, and explain why hurting people is wrong.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. The idea that punishment makes children more confident is not well explained. It may be better to say that fair rules and calm guidance can help children become responsible.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make the flow stronger, use each body paragraph for one main idea: useful non-harmful punishment, harmful punishment, and why punishment should be a last step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use simple links such as “For example”, “As a result”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. Do not begin a new point with “Another point to consider” unless you explain it in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make the point of view clear from the start. Instead of saying you will discuss both sides, say that you partly agree: punishment can work only when it is calm, fair, and not harmful.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid short or unclear sentences at the end of a paragraph. For example, explain what “simple ways” are and when parents should use them.
task response
You give a clear view that punishment can be used, but harmful acts such as hitting and shouting can hurt children.
task response
You include some useful examples of non-harmful punishment, such as no TV, no games, or less outdoor play.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow the main plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “However”, “But”, and “In addition” to show different sides of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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