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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

should children be allowed to make their own decisions. discuss both views and express an opinion

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
It has been
obseved
Correct your spelling
observed
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 days
children
Use synonyms
 are allowed to make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own decisions
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I firmly disagree for many reasons
,
Punctuation problem
. Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 young to take a serious step in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 life,
while
Linking Words
 there parent should be more responsible to them and help them to make any
decision
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
the child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 between 10
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 15 years old focus more on sports, video games, social media, and school
most
Add a semicolon
; most
show examples
 of them
dosen't
Use the right word
don't
show examples
 need
any
Verb problem
to make any
show examples
Use synonyms
decision
Check wording
decisions
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 if you start your legal age, you will start
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 your own
dicisions
Correct your spelling
decisions
.
For Example
Linking Words
, if you start
colleage
Correct your spelling
college
 between 19
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 20 years old, you are now
adult
Add an article
an adult
show examples
, so you can choose your major, which
mean now
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 you can
make
Rephrase
now make
show examples
 your own
decision
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are more key points, parents always protect
there
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 from everything, because they have
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own
exprenes
Correct your spelling
experiences
 about life.
Linking Words
furthermore
Capitalize the word
Furthermore
show examples
, they
now
Use the right word
know
show examples
 what is the
berfect
Correct your spelling
perfect
decision
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them, and feel for them.
For Example
Linking Words
, when I was a child
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I went to the
hospitol
Correct your spelling
hospital
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 the doctor
ask
Wrong verb form
asked
show examples
 me anything, like what do you feel now?, I will let my mother tell the doctor what I feel, because she
now
Verb problem
knows
show examples
 everything about me.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 there are some
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
, the disadvantges more significant, so I
storngle
Correct your spelling
strongly
 disagree for let
children
Use synonyms
 make
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own decisions
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 they should trust there parent, ones they become adult they can make every
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
 about there lifes.

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task response
You give a clear view: parents should guide children. You also discuss both sides, but the first side is not fully developed. Add more about why small choices can help children learn, such as choosing clothes, games, or school work.
task response
Your main ideas need more support. Explain why parents may not always know the best choice for a child, and why children may need to learn from small mistakes.
task response
Some examples fit the topic, but the hospital example shows a child asking a parent for help, not making a decision. Use an example where a child chooses something and then learns from the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the two views more even. The first main part should explain the view that children can make some decisions. The second main part should explain why parents should lead in big decisions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the flow of ideas: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Do not start many sentences with 'while' or 'because'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, give one example, and then link it back to your view.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by discussing both views and giving your own opinion.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays the same in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples to explain your points, which is a good way to make ideas easier to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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