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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Several individuals strongly agree that highly qualified specialists, including doctors and engineers, should practise in their own countries,
whereas
Linking Words
 others support their right to choose their workplace abroad. From my perspective, upon completing their degrees in these disciplines, individuals should have the freedom to choose their own career pathway, whether to remain at home or work overseas.
Body paragraph 1
Advocates who support their permanent stays argue that the government has invested a vast amount of money in public education.
Therefore
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, professionals should give back to their communities by working in or around their hometowns for at least a year.
For instance
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, implementing programs to support their nations' healthcare needs and economic development before emigration is highly recommended.
Furthermore
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, proponents believe that enforcing a strict one-year service after graduation significantly contributes to the national interest.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the opposition believes that graduates should decide their own career trajectory, whether they stay in their towns or emigrate. Perhaps the fact that the government offers high-quality education could create pressure to remain at home;
however
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, the opportunities that international experience offers, not only in professional growth but
also
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 in self-development, have an enormous impact on their decision.
For example
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, some studies have shown that one year of living abroad is equivalent to three years of living at home regarding economic, professional and personal factors.
Hence
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, graduate students have the right to choose where they decide to build their careers.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, even though the government invests thousands of dollars in public education and expects its students to return the investment by supporting the growth of local communities, every individual has the right to choose which countries offer them better opportunities.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why a country may need doctors and engineers to stay, such as a lack of staff in small towns.
task response
Your main point is clear, but some ideas need more support. The point about one year abroad being like three years at home is too broad and has no clear source. Use a real, simple example instead.
task response
Be careful with the word “required”. The first view in the question is about a rule to work in the training country. Your essay changes this into a short one-year stay. Explain why this length of time would be fair, or discuss a longer rule too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, first view, second view, and conclusion. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The linking words are mostly clear, such as “Therefore”, “Furthermore”, “On the other hand”, and “Hence”. Try not to use too many links in one short part. Add clear cause-and-result detail after each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some words are not fully clear. For example, “Advocates who support their permanent stays” is awkward because the next sentence says “for at least a year”. Say “People who support this rule” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus words. You move between “country”, “hometown”, “towns”, and “local communities”. This can make the meaning less exact. Use “the country where they trained” when you mean the main idea in the question.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion from the start.
task response
Your opinion stays the same through the essay: trained workers should be free to choose where they work.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the discussion, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion brings the two sides together and repeats your own view in a clear way.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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