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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is often said that crime is one of the main things that make the quality of life poorer. Crime in developed countries is one of the biggest problems in society. What are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
The issue of the crim has become a significant concern in recent years.It is widely believed that many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays die .
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of
this
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proble
Correct your spelling
problem
, and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many families do not care
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
or monitor their children,which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 criminals to
affect
Verb problem
influence
show examples
 the teenagers to become criminals.
For instance
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,if a boy
his
Correct pronoun usage
whose
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 parents are divorced ,he might feel lonely.
As a result
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,he wants to do a
crim
Correct your spelling
crime
.Another factor is that unemployment has
been
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apply
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increased,which makes many
people
Use synonyms
 become thieves to get money.
For example
Linking Words
,if a man has
certivicates
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certificates
,but he
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have
job
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a job
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,he might become
thief
Add an article
a thief
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.The main reason is that he may feel
dissappointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
,and
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to get money to be alive.
Body paragraph 2
On
Use the right word
One
show examples
 solution is that parents should take care of their children ,and
encorage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them,which would help
by gain
Verb problem
to raise
show examples
 a successful child in the future.Another solution is that the government should provide jobs for
people
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,and support the poor
people
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 financially,which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
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 to get money without doing crims.
For instance
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,if the government supports a poor man and gives him
house
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a house
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,food,and
clothe
Replace the word
clothes
,the man will feel satisfied,which
assist
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assists
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 in decreasing the number of crimes.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,the
crim
Correct your spelling
crime
 that has been
spreaed
Correct your spelling
spread
 is a pressing issue.By supporting poor
people
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finanically
Correct your spelling
financially
 to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and taking care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 children and teenagers to help them feel happy,we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: causes and ways to reduce crime. To improve, explain each main idea more fully. For example, show why a lack of jobs may lead some people to steal, and how job help can stop this.
task response
Some ideas are too general. The point about parents and children is clear, but you should also say what parents can do, such as spend time with children, know their friends, and ask about school.
task response
Use examples that are clear and realistic. Instead of saying a person may do a crime, explain one short case with a clear link between the problem and the result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, causes, solutions, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the links between sentences smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and an example. Do not put too many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a more careful way: “First,” “Also,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “In short.” Make sure each linking word shows the right relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words many times, such as “crime,” “money,” and “people.” Use simple other words where possible, such as “law-breaking,” “income,” or “they.”
task response
You give two causes and two possible ways to reduce crime, so the reader can clearly see your main answer.
task response
Your ideas about job loss, poor families, and help from the state are related to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “One major cause,” “Another factor,” and “To sum up.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • delinquency
  • deterrent
  • marginalized
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • socioeconomic status
  • stigmatization
  • surveillance
  • felony
  • misdemeanour
  • justice system
  • enforcement
  • sanctions
  • disenfranchised
  • peer pressure
  • substance abuse
  • white-collar crime
  • cybercrime
  • community outreach
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