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Band 6

Some people prefer spending their free time alone, while others prefer spending it with friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, a new topic of discussion has arisen in our society
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 some people prefer spending their free
time
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 alone,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer spending it with
friends
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. Both views have
advantages
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 and
disadvantages
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. I believe everyone should spend
time
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 alone and with
friends
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, depending on their needs and personality.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people prefer spending their free
time
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 alone because of stressful days, hectic hours at work or at home, and the ability to disconnect. The
advantages
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 of spending free
time
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 alone include relaxation, meditation, creativity in finding solutions to problems, re-energising your body after a hard workout, and saving money. The
disadvantages
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 of spending their free
time
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 alone are losing communication skills and the ability to build new relationships that can lead to better life opportunities, like at work.
For example
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, during the
last
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 seminar at university, I spent my free
time
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 alone solving maths puzzles to improve my mindset.
Therefore
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, there should be a balance between spending their free
time
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 alone and with
friends
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. My point of view is that they should set aside at least one hour a week to spend
time
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 alone.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some people prefer spending their free
time
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 with
friends
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.
In other words
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, they may feel relaxed and happy spending
time
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 with
friends
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, which means they are sociable and need to build good communication skills. The
advantages
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 of spending free
time
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 with
friends
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 include getting suggestions for opportunities they are looking for and increasing their chances of getting help in many situations in the future. The
disadvantages
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 of spending free
time
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 with
friends
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 are losing their privacy and spending a lot of money, which makes saving money more difficult.
For instance
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,
last
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 month I spent my free
time
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 at Cario Mall with
friends
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, and I spent around double the budget I would have if I went alone. So, I started using the Excel app to manage the problem.
As a result
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, it can create strengths and weaknesses depending on a person's ability and occupation.From my perspective, everyone should spend at least ten hours a week with
friends
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 to get better results.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both views explain everything depending on
advantages
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,
disadvantages
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, needs, and personality to create a successful life in any aspect.
Therefore
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, let us arrange our free
time
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 properly to avoid failure in other aspects of life.

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task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. Give one or two main reasons for each side, then explain why these reasons matter.
task response
Make your own view clearer. You say people should do both, but explain how a person can choose: for rest and quiet time, being alone may help; for fun and support, friends may help.
task response
Use examples that directly prove the point. The maths-puzzle example shows time alone, but it does not clearly show relaxation or better work. Explain the result more fully.
task response
Avoid very exact rules such as one hour alone and ten hours with friends. These rules do not fit all people and are not well explained. Focus on needs, work, and personality instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and contain many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “therefore”, “so”, and “as a result” should show a real result. In some places, the next sentence is a new idea, not a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. You often move from “some people” to “they” and then to “everyone”. This can make the meaning less clear. Choose one form and use it in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph endings. The first body paragraph should end by linking its main point back to the value of alone time, rather than moving early to the final opinion.
task response
You cover both spending time alone and spending time with friends, and you give a clear overall view that both can be useful.
task response
You include real-life examples, such as university work and a trip to a mall. This makes the essay feel personal and connected to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body paragraphs, and an ending. The reader can see the main plan easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use several linking phrases, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader through the essay.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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