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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serous social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
In today's society,
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 is an integral part of our daily lives. Some
people
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 believe that
,
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apply
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 living in a country where you have to speak a foreign
language
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 can
cause
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 serious social
problems
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,
as well as
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 practical
problems
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,
while
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 others disagree with
this
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 idea. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I agree with
statement
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the statement
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 that
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 a foreign
language
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 can
cause
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 social
distances
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distance
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, and provide examples to support my
positions
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position
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, most
people
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 hesitate to speak
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 because of
intelligence
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an intelligence
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judgement
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judgment
, so it creates social isolation.
This
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 is because
people
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suffers
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suffer
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 from stress and anxiety
which
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, which
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cause
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 psychological
as well as
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 physiological diseases.
For instance
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, parents of international students who live with them in foreign countries mostly
looks
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live
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 alone because most of them are unable to speak
foreign
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the foreign
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language
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 issue not only
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 social isolation but
also
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 affects economical aspect, as individuals always prefer to
do
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apply
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work with their community members because of their comfort zone .
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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,
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apply
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speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 a foreign
language
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 can
cause
Use synonyms
 serious social
problems
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.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, living in a country where
public
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the public
show examples
speak
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speaks
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 a foreign
language
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 can make it difficult to understand local laws and rules, so
this
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 may lead to accidental mistakes, financial losses, or legal
problems
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..
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.
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 An example of
this
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 can be seen in immigrants who cannot understand official
documents
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documents,
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 may misunderstand visa conditions, tax regulations, or workplace rules, which could result in serious consequences.
Furthermore
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, misunderstandings during medical consultations could lead to inappropriate treatment
about
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of
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 prescribed medication.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 a non-native
language
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 can help in cultural exchange and learning new languages.
However
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, the argument is flawed, because it
is
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apply
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assumes that
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 a second
language
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 may
cause
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 separation from the community.
As a result
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, limited
language
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 skills can result in a lack of social interactions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that
language
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 barriers can limit career opportunities. The benefits of
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 a foreign
language
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 far outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the statement
living
Correct word choice
that living
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 in a foreign country where
people
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 speak a different
language
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 can create significant social and practical challenges for individuals.

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task response
Give one clear view in the first part: say that you agree to a large extent. Do not spend much time on the other view, because your main view is agreement.
task response
Keep the same view from start to end. The end says that the good points of speaking a foreign language are greater than the bad points, but the rest of the essay says that the problems are serious. This makes your view unclear.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For social problems, explain how fear of mistakes can stop people from making friends, joining groups, or talking to neighbours. For practical problems, explain how poor language skills can affect work, health care, and public services.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about parents of students is useful, but explain what they cannot do alone, such as speak to a doctor, ask for help, or make friends. The examples about visas, tax, and medicine are also good but need a little more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: first part, two body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each body part begin with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Words such as 'Firstly', 'Additionally', and 'For instance' are useful, but some links do not match the idea that follows. Make sure 'However' starts a real opposite idea and 'Therefore' gives a clear result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about social isolation in several forms. Add a new step after each point: cause, result, and example. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences more complete and clear. For example, use 'speaking a foreign language' instead of 'speak a foreign language', and use 'people suffer' instead of 'people suffers'. Also remove the extra full stop after 'problems..'.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic by discussing social problems and practical problems.
task response
You give useful examples about official papers, work rules, medical talks, and daily life.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are put in separate body parts, so the reader can see your plan easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signpost words, such as 'Firstly', 'For instance', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • language barrier
  • communication difficulties
  • social integration
  • cultural adaptation
  • economic opportunities
  • disenfranchisement
  • multilingualism
  • resilience
  • host society
  • social divide
  • academic struggles
  • social networks
  • isolation
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