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Band 4.5

Some people think that books should be stopped in schools that film videos and computer should be used to what extent do you agree

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Introduction
The issue of whether
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped in
schools
Use synonyms
 has
considerable
Verb problem
been the subject of considerable
show examples
 debate in recent years.Some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped in
schools
Use synonyms
,and film videos and computre should be used,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
books
Use synonyms
 are more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 than digital
technology
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my opinion.
Although
Linking Words
 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped in
schools
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped in
schools
Use synonyms
,and
film videos
Check wording
films
show examples
 and
computer
Check wording
videos
show examples
 should be
usedd
Correct your spelling
used
 argue that many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays use digital
technology
Use synonyms
.The main reason is that digital
technology
Use synonyms
 is
easy
Replace the word
easier
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
than
books
Use synonyms
,and it assists
people
Use synonyms
 in studying.
For instance
Linking Words
,if a student has an exam
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and wants to prepare for it,he can use his laptop to practice on some websites.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 digital
technology
Use synonyms
 not only assists
students
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their preparation,but
also
Linking Words
it help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to get high grades.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
books
Use synonyms
 should be used in
schools
Use synonyms
 emphasise that
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 cannot impact on
people
Use synonyms
`s eyes.The main reason is that
technology
Use synonyms
 can affect
people
Use synonyms
`s eyesight,but
books
Use synonyms
 cannot.
In addition
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,many
people
Use synonyms
 encourage their friends to study from
books
Use synonyms
 because
books
Use synonyms
 usually contain reliable information,unlike
technology
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
technology
Use synonyms
 might break down,
while
Linking Words
books
Use synonyms
 cannot,which is the
bigest
Correct your spelling
biggest
 advantage.
For example
Linking Words
,if
students
Use synonyms
 do their exams
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers,the computers may break down.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
books
Use synonyms
 should be stopped in
schools
Use synonyms
.The reasons outlined above clearly
demonstarte
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 that it can assist
students
Use synonyms
 in their
studyingand
Correct your spelling
studying and
 help them to get high scores.

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task response
Give a clear answer from the start and keep the same view to the end. Your essay says books should stop, but your ideas also show why books are good. This makes your main view hard to follow.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For example, say how videos or computers help students learn, and why this is more important than the good points of books.
task response
Use examples that show your point. The laptop example is useful, but add what the student does online and how this helps learning.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. However, the ending should match your main view and the ideas in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one clear idea. In the first part, write about why computers and videos are useful. In the second part, write about why books are still useful, then explain why you do not agree with this side.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” are good, but do not start too many sentences with “The main reason is” or “Moreover”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same point again and again. For example, the idea that technology helps students get high grades is repeated without more detail.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Literacy
  • Comprehension
  • Visual learners
  • Digital tools
  • Interactive resources
  • Attention spans
  • Tactile experience
  • Annotating skills
  • Accessibility
  • Text-to-speech functionalities
  • Overexposure
  • Eye strain
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