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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
The popularity of gardening has been rising significantly over the past few years. Society tends to consume products that are grown in healthy ecological conditions.
Therefore
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, in some urban areas, locals use parks and open territories to produce crops. In my view,
this
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 process can make a positive impact on many aspects of people’s lives
even
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, even
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 though there are some drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
such
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 activities can improve mental and physical health at the same time.
Moreover
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, specialists recommend cultivation to prevent psychological illnesses
such
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 as depression and anxiety.
In addition
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, it is a great opportunity to supply small markets with high-quality products.
For instance
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, if
this
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 concept demonstrates valuable results, the government may provide financial assistance to participants.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will settle all the logistical aspects of the process
like
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, like
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 transportation and materials, so it will lead to a profitable commercial relationship with entrepreneurs around.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is important to preserve the outdoor spaces where children spend their time. To clarify, it is well known that the majority of the younger generation is extremely energetic.
That is
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 why, places where they can run, jump or play other active games like basketball, give them the possibility to express themselves efficiently. Another disadvantage is that gardening tends to be highly weather-dependent.
Furthermore
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,
lack
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a lack
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 of experience in
this
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 domain and significant natural habitat alterations provoke irrational waste of fertile land and serious environmental damage.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, supporting city residents to produce fruits and vegetables independently has undeniable potential.
However
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, to make
this
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 idea successful
a
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, a
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strategic and well-structured plan is required.

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task response
Make your main view more direct. Say clearly that the good points are greater than the bad points, and repeat this clear view in the end.
task response
Explain why the health and food points are more important than the loss of play space and the risk from bad weather. At present, both sides have ideas, but the final choice is not fully shown.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, say that a small part of a park can be used for food growing, while the rest stays open for children and sport.
task response
Some ideas need more care. Growing food in parks may help people, but it may not easily supply markets or make a business. Keep the focus on local people and public space.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is clear: start, good points, bad points, and end. Keep this plan, but make the link from each point to your main view clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, health, local food, state help, transport, and business are too many ideas together. Choose two and explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Words such as “Moreover”, “In addition”, and “Consequently” are useful, but do not use them at the start of almost every sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make some long sentences shorter. For example, the sentence about state help, transport, and business can be split into two or three short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, and you give a clear general view that this change can help people.
task response
The points about health, fresh food, children’s play, and harm to nature are all linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs with different sides, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude”, which help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public park
  • open space
  • local residents
  • grow food
  • fruit and vegetables
  • fresh produce
  • healthy diet
  • save money
  • lower cost
  • community spirit
  • work together
  • share tools
  • help each other
  • green space
  • good for the environment
  • reduce transport
  • learn about nature
  • public use
  • free space
  • outdoor activities
  • take care of
  • set rules
  • local area
  • lose interest
  • keep a balance
  • outweigh the disadvantages
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