Some people think that governments should do more to help citizens to adopt healthy diets. Others, however, believe that individuals should be responsible for their own diets. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
people think that governments should do more to help citizens adopt healthier
diets
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the proper name
However
show examples
,others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
believe that it should be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
individual responsibility for their own
diets
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
In my point of
view
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view,
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I believe
individual
Check wording
individuals'
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own preferences are more
preferably
Replace the word
preferable
to their goals and greater benefit.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
,
many
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
majority can't
not
Rephrase
apply
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control themselves
for
Change preposition
due to
show examples
bad exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
food, and many of them are unaware of the dangers in these foods eaxmples like raw milk,leading to severe consequences harming their body and health in the
longer
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long
term.
Body paragraph 2
I believe government controled solution may help citizens to deviate some information and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
more informed
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
what there eating.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
can be a serious limiting factor to their
diets
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
stripping
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
options,
Linking Words
in addition
Correct word choice
and
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may not
to
Verb problem
be conducive to
show examples
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their original goals.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
show examples
both groups have interesting ideas that could work together rather than being separated.
if
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If
show examples
the government can give citizens more supporting information without controlling their own
diets
Use synonyms
and giving
there
Correct pronoun usage
them their
show examples
own free choice of
product's
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products
show examples
of consumption
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
more information
ingredients
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on ingredients
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may help towards a healthier diet's longevity.
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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, explain each view more fully. Say why some people think the state should act, for example by giving clear food facts or putting rules on very bad food. Then say why people should choose their own food.
task response
Your main view is not always clear. At first, you say personal choice is best, but you also say many people cannot control bad food. State one clear view: the state should give help and facts, while people make the final choice.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The raw milk example is not fully explained. You could write about food facts on packs, school food, ads for fast food, or a tax on drinks with much sugar.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction; reasons for state help; reasons for personal choice; conclusion with your view. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add two reasons and an example. Do not put too many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in the right way: 'On the one hand', 'For example', 'However', 'Therefore', and 'In conclusion'. This will show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words carefully. Write 'their' not 'there', 'they are' not 'there', and 'what they are eating' not 'what there eating'. Also use full stops and capital letters to make each sentence clear.
task response
You answer the full question by looking at state help and personal choice, and you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion. The final part tries to join the two views in a fair way.
task response
The idea that the state can give people food facts without taking away all choice is a good and useful main point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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