IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You took an elderly member of your family, who was not able to walk properly, to a museum and he/she faced a few problems. Write a letter to the manager of the museum. In your letter, say why you visited the museum describe the problems you faced suggest what can be done to avoid those problems

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Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
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 our time that we had in your museum. I recently visited your museum with my grandparents. Because I have vacations from university, I thought to spend time with them as they love visiting historical places. My grandparents can’t walk properly. To our surprise, we were disappointed to see that there were no proper seating arrangements in the hall. The chairs were old and rusty.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of them were damaged.
Additionally
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, the wheelchairs were making
terrible
Add an article
a terrible
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 noise
while
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 moving. My grandparents had a bad experience
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 though they love museums. I would recommend some necessary changes so that your place can become a welcoming environment for older people.
Few
Add an article
A few
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 possible solutions are that the sitting area should be refurbished. Old chairs should be replaced
by
Change preposition
with
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 comfortable seats.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you should bring new and modern wheelchairs. I would like to appreciate you for your time and
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
. I hope you
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 take
an
Correct article usage
apply
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immediate action on
this
Linking Words
 matter. Yours sincerely, Ankita

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: why you went, the problems, and what the museum can do. Add one or two more clear details, such as where the bad chairs were and how the noisy wheelchairs made the visit hard.
task response
Use a more formal style. For example, write “I am disappointed with our visit” instead of “our time that we had”. End with “I look forward to your prompt reply” rather than thanking the manager for their time.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for writing, visit, problems, and ideas. Link some sentences more smoothly. For example, use “As a result, my grandparents could not rest during the visit.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. The problems paragraph works well, but you could put seating problems first and wheelchair problems in a short new paragraph for even clearer reading.
task response
You clearly explain that you visited because you had time from university and your grandparents enjoy old places.
task response
Your ideas are useful and clear: replace old chairs and provide new wheelchairs.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs and a polite opening and closing.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Moreover”, “Additionally”, and “Furthermore” help show the next point.
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