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Band 2.5

Some celebrities say their love lives shouldn’t be under scrutiny in the media. However, other people feel that they should accept this as part of their fame. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
In the modern
media
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, reporting
the
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on
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celebrities
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' privacy live is common.
However
Linking Words
, the sitiuation well affect their
life
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. So, which perspective is good? The following points are discussed below.
Body paragraph 1
In the
first,
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Some
Fix capitalization
some
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celebrities
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 say their
love
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 lives shouldn’t be under scrutiny in the
media
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. Because
the
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apply
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love
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 lives is privacy. The
celebrities
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 don't have
obligation
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an obligation
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 to
disclosure
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disclose
 their
love
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lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
. And the excess
to
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of
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 disclosure indiviual
life
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 can affect their common
life
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. So, they think their
love
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life
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 should be without the scrutiny of
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media
Add an article
the media
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, other people feel that they should accept
this
Linking Words
 as part of their fame. The perspective is very logical, too. Because the
celebrities
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' income
almost
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is almost
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be
Rephrase
entirely
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 from their
fans
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the thing that their
fans
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 want to
more
Verb problem
understand more
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understand
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about
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 their idols'
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life
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lives
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is reasonable. So, the
celebrities
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maybe
Verb problem
may
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 need to
in
Verb problem
be in
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 charge of their
fans
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' money.
Conclusion
In the end, I think
the
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apply
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love
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life
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 is
very
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a very
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 privacy things. The
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celebrities's
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celebrities'
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love
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life
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 shouldn't be
disclosure
Wrong verb form
disclosed
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 to
public
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the public
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the
fans
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 spent a lot of money
for supporting
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to support
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 their
favorite
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favourite
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 celebrity, it
is
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does
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 not represent the
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celebrities need
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need for celebrities
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 to be under scrutiny in the
media
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. The celebrity should contribute more spectacular work or performance.

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task response
Discuss both sides in the same depth. The first side says love life is private, but the second side needs more detail about why fans may want this news.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start or near the end. Your view is that private love life should not be shown to all people; keep this idea firm.
task response
Add one clear, real-life example for each side. For example, false news about a star may hurt a family, while some stars choose to share news with fans.
task response
Explain why fan support does not give fans a right to know all private facts. This will make your last point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first view, second view, and your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one main idea. Then explain it and give an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully: 'First', 'However', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear lines such as 'So, which perspective is good?' Instead, state that the essay will look at both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use 'private life' or 'love life' in a steady way, rather than many different forms.
task response
You cover both views and clearly give your own view in the final part.
task response
Your main idea is relevant: fame does not mean a person must give up all private life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as 'However' to show a change from one view to the other.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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