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Band 5

Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
The opinions on a
child
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's routine after school vary person by person;
while
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 some think
children
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 should focus on extracurricular
activities
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, others strongly believe
children
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 should keep their free schedules. In my opinion, a
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children's
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child's
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 age extremely
effects
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affects
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this
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 discussion. A younger
child
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 aged between 6
-
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and
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12 should be able to engage in fun
activities
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, be outdoors, and relax after school.
In contrast
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, a teen
child
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 should be able to gain new skills, find new
interests
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, and be productive even if it involves after-school hours.
Body paragraph 1
The first view explores the idea of a
child
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's responsibilities in engaging in extracurricular
responsibility
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activities
show examples
. There are many benefits of
such
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classes
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 for
children
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:
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;
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 they can make them well-rounded,
skillful
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skilful
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, and help them find new hobbies or even get into good colleges.
Moreover
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, a scheduled routine can significantly
greaten
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increase
 the discipline of a
child
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 as they grow up. The scheduled
classes
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,
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and
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 the extra responsibility can help the
child
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's productivity and
work-ethic
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work ethic
 in the future.
Body paragraph 2
The second view,
on the other hand
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, rejects the view of creating a schedule full of after-school
activities
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 for a
child
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, stripping their time away
which
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, which
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 they could use to play or relax. The whole concept of scheduled
classes
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, even if it is music, sports, or other hobbies, can be very tiring to a
child
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.
Additionally
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, a
child
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 should be care-free and independent in what hobbies they would like to pursue.
Body paragraph 3
So,
this
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 brings age to the argument. A
7 year old
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7-year-old
child
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 cannot handle the same amount of after-school work as a pre-teen or older.
Thus
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, in my opinion, if done correctly, and when taking into account a
child
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's personal capacity and
interests
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, after-school
classes
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 can be inherently beneficial for a
child
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. Growing their sense of responsibility, helping them find their
interests
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, and helping them feel discipline is
overall
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 wonderful for the development of someone.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that if a
child
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 is old enough to take on new
activities
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 after school, and they want to do it, there is more good than harm
to have
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in having
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 them pursue said
activities
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. The key to helping a
child
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 explore their
interests
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 and grow through these
classes
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 is to essentially not overdo it.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why age should change the choice. For example, show how one or two classes may help a teen, while too many classes may make a young child tired.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some points stay general. Add one clear real-life example, such as a child who plays football twice a week and still has time to rest and do school work.
task response
Be careful not to make the answer seem only about age. The question also asks about free play and rest. State clearly that all children need some free time, even when they take classes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, your view, then a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link from the two views to your age-based view smoother. Start the fourth paragraph with a clear line such as: 'Both views can be right, but the best choice depends on the child’s age and needs.'
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Use shorter sentences so your meaning is easier to follow. For example, split the point about classes, responsibility, and future work into two or three sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. 'Responsibility', 'discipline', and 'productivity' are close ideas here. Choose one, explain it well, then move to a new point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words with care. 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'In contrast' are used well. You can also use simple links such as 'For this reason', 'However', and 'As a result' to show cause and contrast.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the value of planned classes, the need for free time, and your own view.
task response
Your own view is clear and balanced. You say that activities can help children, but they should not be forced or overdone.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear plan for the essay, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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