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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many parents argue that
children
Use synonyms
's leisure time after school should be spent learning
skills
Use synonyms
 like art and music,
while
Linking Words
 others want them to have a joyful playtime to relax
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 taking part in extracurricular activities is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of
child's
Add an article
a child's
show examples
 growth to develop social
skills
Use synonyms
 and personality, spending
sometime
Use the right word
some time
show examples
 to play, relax and destress is a crucial step to ensure proper mental well-being.
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays, a lot of parents send their kids to evening dance and singing classes, so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn some extra
skills
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 usually becomes a talent later on, which can assist them in showcasing
theselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 better.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these activities develop character and
improves
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 personality in an early age by teaching them social
skills
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, tackling issues and
boosts
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
 mental strength.
For instance
Linking Words
, enrolling in boxing classes at my school
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 taught me punctuality, improved my social
skills
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 and made me mentally and physically strong.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
Linking Words
, others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 need some leisure time to unwind and relax after a
long
Punctuation problem
long,
show examples
 tiring day at school.
This
Linking Words
 helps in improving their mental health and reducing physical stress.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a relaxed mind can help develop critical thinking, creativity, decision making skill
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are the foundation for
overall
Linking Words
 development in
children
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.
For example
Linking Words
, playtime sessions with friends can develop interpersonal
relationship
Check wording
relationships
show examples
, where
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can feel
secured
Replace the word
secure
 and
realxed
Correct your spelling
relaxed
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 enrolling in
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities can develop social
skills
Use synonyms
 and support character development, evening play time can support
overall
Linking Words
 mental health and develop interpersonal relations. I opine that parents should take proper
measure
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measures
show examples
 to see that
children
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all-round development by mediating and scheduling to make enough room for both.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why a mix of planned classes and free play is best, and explain how parents can make this work.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more detail. For example, explain how art, music, or sport can help a child in daily life, not only in the future.
task response
Your examples fit the topic. The boxing example is clear, but the playtime example could be more real and detailed: say what children do together and what they learn from it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and a final paragraph. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few clearer link words to show the flow of ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use too many.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join many ideas at once. Split them into shorter sentences so each point is easier to read. This is very helpful in the first body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word forms and spelling because they can slow the reader down. For example: “an important part”, “improve personality”, “themselves”, “some time”, “decision-making skills”, “they”, “relaxed”, and “a good all-round development”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain planned activities, free time, and your own view.
task response
The point that free time can help children rest, think, and be more creative is clear and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays mainly on one side of the discussion, so the reader can understand your message easily.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings both views together and gives a balanced answer.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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