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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are increasingly using alternative treatments instead of consulting doctors. What are the reasons for this trend, and what problems might it cause?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a substantial number of people prefer alternative
treatments
Use synonyms
 to consulting specialists.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 two reasons: One is technological development, and the other is traditional beliefs.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, there is a lot of information online that users can access easily.
Patients
Use synonyms
 who don’t want to line up in the hospital can browse articles about health and nutrition online. On top of that, there are considerable advertisements on social media. A person who is easily persuaded, she or he would love to try it. If they try it once and recover, they tend to trust the
treatments
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 rather than consulting doctors.
Consequently
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,
patients
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 tend to believe in what they searched
.
Change preposition
for.
show examples
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, some individuals still suppose that traditional
treatments
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 are better than Western medicine. In Chinese culture, some parents will prefer to bring
patients
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 to the temples
due to
Linking Words
 their traditional beliefs. They consider that
patients
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 are controlled by devils and monsters.
Therefore
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, they choose spiritual
treatments
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 to treat them and believe that if
patients
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 regret that they did something wrong before, they will recover faster.
Body paragraph 3
Regardless of technology or traditional beliefs, it will make an impact on the
patients
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’ lives. If you choose the wrong
treatments
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,
patients
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 will feel even worse than before. What’s worse, some information online is fake, and people misunderstand it, causing the sickness to deteriorate. Sometimes you will stand on the right side;
however
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, you won’t know until you try.
Conclusion
No matter what
treatments
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 we choose, we
are caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
 about the person who is sick, and we hope they can recover effectively.
Thus
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, we still need to know the consequences of any
treatments
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 and compare them with each other.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. You give two reasons and some bad results, but explain each point more clearly. For example, show why online ads can make people trust a treatment, and show how this can delay hospital care.
task response
Keep your main ideas close to the question. The part about devils and monsters is very strong and may sound too general. Use a more common example, such as family trust in herbs, massage, or old home cures.
task response
Give one clear, real-life result for each problem. You could say that a person may take a product that does not work, lose time, spend money, or become more ill before seeing a doctor.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: reasons first, then problems, then an ending. Make the link between each paragraph clearer with simple phrases such as “Another reason is…”, “This can cause…”, and “As a result…”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not clear or are not needed. For example, “Sometimes you will stand on the right side” does not clearly support your point. Remove it or change it to a direct idea about the danger of choosing the wrong care.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same subject in each paragraph. You change between “people”, “patients”, “you”, and “they”. Choose “people” or “patients” most of the time, so the writing is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph a stronger ending. Restate the two main causes and the main risks, then say that people should check advice with a trained doctor before trying other care.
task response
You address both the reasons for the trend and the problems it may cause.
task response
The online information example is relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main idea, and the essay uses clear paragraph breaks.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all”, “In addition”, “Therefore”, and “What’s worse” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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