IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The end of the world's fossil fuel resources and the subsequent changes will be a positive development in society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience!

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Introduction
Some people believe that the depletion of fossil fuel resources will eventually bring positive changes to society. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because it could encourage the use of renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 and reduce
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 pollution,
although
Linking Words
 the
transtion
Correct your spelling
transition
 may
creat
Correct your spelling
create
 economic
challenges
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One important benefit of renewable
energy
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 is that it comes from natural sources that are continuously reproduced, unlike fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
, which are finite.
This
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 is because governments would need to find alternative
energy
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 sources to meet people's
Check wording
fuel needs
show examples
fuels
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 necessities.
For example
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, it takes millions of years to produce fossil
fuels
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along with
Linking Words
 the cost of extracting them, which is far more
expencive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 and longer than renewable
energy
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, using naturally sourced
energy
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 can help to reduce air pollution,
more
Verb problem
increase
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 renewable
energy
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 and
better
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 public health.
Body paragraph 2
Although
Linking Words
 there are many benefits of renewable energies, there are still some
challenges
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 which may cause another barrier for governments to prefer the
natural sourced
Correct your spelling
natural-sourced
energy
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to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 fossil
fuels
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 like oil and coal. To clarify it, the transition may cause job losses and economic difficulties because for centuries human beings have been using fossil
fouls
Use the right word
fuels
show examples
 and it is a big part of countries'
economics
Check wording
economies
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, there would be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 elimination of
emplooyes
Correct your spelling
employees
 that were working in
mining
Add an article
the mining
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 industry,
while
Linking Words
 governments might face high costs when developing renewable
energy
Use synonyms
infrustructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these
challenges
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 could be addressed through government investment in renewable
energy
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 projects and retraining
programms
Correct your spelling
programs
 for affected workers.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I largely agree that the depletion of fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
 could bring positive developments in society.
Although
Linking Words
 the transition may cause some economic difficulties and job losses,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
believe its long term invironmental benefits would outweigh these
challenges
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you mostly agree, but you also show one problem. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why the end of fossil fuels itself would lead to change, not only why clean energy is good.
task response
Develop the first main point with a clear cause and result. For example, say that less oil and coal use would cut dirty air, which could help people live more healthy lives.
task response
Your example about fossil fuels taking millions of years to form is relevant, but the part about cost is not clear. Use one simple real example, such as solar power or wind power replacing coal power in a town or country.
task response
The second body paragraph gives a good opposite point about jobs and money. Add more detail about how new clean-energy jobs and worker training could help people who lose work in mining.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, benefits, problems, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each topic sentence more direct and closely linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because too many ideas are joined together. For example, split the sentence beginning 'Consequently' into two short sentences: one about clean energy and one about health.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Nevertheless' are useful, but make sure the idea after each one clearly follows the idea before it.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and spelling, as these can make your meaning less clear. For example, use 'environmental', 'transition', 'create', 'economy', 'employees', and 'infrastructure'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You include both positive results and possible problems, which makes your answer balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly match each other.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
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