Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT, AFTER SCHOOLING ,
CHILDREN
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'S
TIME
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SHOULD BE OCCUPIED BY OTHER
ACTIVITIES
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SUCH
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AS MUSIC CLASSES , DRAWING WORK AND SPORTS.
WHILE
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OTHERS BELIEVE THAT
CHILDREN
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NEED SPARE
TIME
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FOR PLAYING AND RELAXING. IN MY OPINION, GIVING
TIME
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FOR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY WILL IMPROVE
OVERALL
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HEALTH OF A CHILD,
ALTHOUGH
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SKILL
DEVELOPMENT
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ALSO
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A IMPORTANT FACTOR IN CHILD'S GROWTH.
Body paragraph 1
TO COMMENCE WITH, IT IS COMMONLY BELIEVED THAT PARTICIPATION OF
CHILDREN
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IN SOME
ACTIVITIES
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WILL HELP IN SKILL
DEVELOPMENT
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, WHICH BRINGS MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE
CHILDREN
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.
MOREOVER
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, CHILDRENS GET TO KNOW ABOUT OTHER
ACTIVITIES
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APART FORM THEIR STUDY MATERIAL AND
THIS
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WILL LEADS TO MULTIPERSONALITY
DEVELOPMENT
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.
FOR INSTANCE
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, IN INDIA, 75% OF
CHILDREN
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PARTICIPATE IN SCHEDULED
ACTIVITIES
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, AND IT PROMOTES THEIR COGNITIVE SKILLS.
THEREFORE
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, HAVING FIXED
ACTIVITIES
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APART FROM SCHOOL HOURS WILL BE BENEFICIAL FOR THE
CHILDREN
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.
Body paragraph 2
SOME PEOPLE SUPPORT THE OPINION THAT
,
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apply
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CHILDREN
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SHOULD BE ACCOMPANIED BY FREE
TIME
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TO PLAY AND RELAX. AS CONTINUAL STUDY DURING SCHOOL
TIME
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WILL CREATE A BURDEN OR PRESSURE IN THE
CHILDREN
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'S LIVES, AND
THIS
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WILL MAKE THEM MORE FRUSTRATED AND AGITATED .
IN ADDITION
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, PLAYING WILL BRING SENSE OF FREEDOM AND RELAXATION AT THE SAME
TIME
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.
THUS
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, IT WILL HELP
CHILD
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CHILDREN
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TO LEASE SOME PRESSURE AND PROMOTE THE SENSE OF ENJOYMENT. TO ILLUSTRATE, A STUDY WAS CONDUCTED BY
''
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THE "
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WORLD HEALTH ORGANISTAION'', IN 2019, SHOWING THAT
CHILDREN
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WHO TEND TO SPEND SOME
TIME
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IN PHYSICAL
ACTIVITIES
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WILL SHOW GREATER RESULTS ,
WHILE
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COMPARING WITH OTHER
CHILDREN
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WHO JUST FOCUSED MORE ON THEIR STUDIES.
THEREFORE
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, PROVIDING LEISURE
TIME
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WILL HELP
CHILDREN
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TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED , AND TO ACHIEVE A GOOD SCORE.
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION, FILLING
CHILDREN
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'S
TIME
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WITH SCHEDULED
ACTIVITIES
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WILL HELP IN OPPORTUNITIES,
WHEREAS
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PROVIDING SOME FREE
TIME
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AFTER SCHOOLING HELPS IN BETTER
DEVELOPMENT
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OF HEALTH ,AND
THIS
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WILL PROMOTE MORE RELAXATION.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view more clear: say that children need both planned classes and free play, but free time should not be too short.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how music, art, and sport can help children, then explain why free play helps health, rest, and social skills.
task response
Use careful examples. The facts about India and the World Health Organization need a clear source. You can use a simple real-life example instead, such as a child who joins a music class twice a week but still plays with friends every day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: one paragraph for planned activities and one for free time. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. This will make each paragraph easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'therefore' at the end of each paragraph. Use simple links such as 'also', 'however', 'for example', and 'as a result' when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion state your final view directly. At present, it repeats both sides but does not clearly say how much free time or how many planned activities children should have.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by discussing planned activities, free time, and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion give the essay a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'moreover', 'for instance', and 'in addition' to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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