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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

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Introduction
Nowadays, some
species
Use synonyms
 of
animals
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 are almost extinct. Many other
species
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 seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. In general, there isn't a big major reason for
this
Linking Words
,
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;
show examples
 it's the combination
out
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apply
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of small reasons.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason comes with global warming. The
temperatur
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temperature
 on
earth rised
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Earth rose
 over the
last
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 decent around 5 degrees on average. The ice in the antartica melted nearly up tp 30%. With
that
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that,
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 the
space
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 of
habitation
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 for the polar bear decreased.
Body paragraph 2
As a result
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 of the decline in the populations of other
species
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, the remaining
species
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 had to contend with the resulting problems. In nature, the bigger
animals
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 eat smaller ones to feed themselves. If the smaller one is already extinct,
begins
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it begins
show examples
 to struggle to get enough food to
contiune
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continue
 the life cycle.
Body paragraph 3
The
last
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 reason goes
with
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hand-in-hand with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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global warming
hand-in-hand
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apply
show examples
. The industry
also
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 reduced the
space
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 of
habitation
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 for
animals
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. Cutting down the rain forest for more
space
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 to build company
bulidings
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buildings
 or
fabrics
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factories
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,
intervenes
Verb problem
interrupts
show examples
 the
space
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 of
habitation
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 risk could get bigger
,
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apply
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 if the instudrie strengths their expandation.
As well as
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 the
space
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, the industry has a significant impact on the environment in
genral
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general
. It produces tonnes of waste, which the governments in some countries can't recycle anymore. Some of
this
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 waste is
then
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trown
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thrown
 in the ocean.
Conclusion
To solve
this
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 problem, the governments should
strength
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strengthen
 their
politics
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policies
show examples
 on protecting the
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habitation
Replace the word
habitat
space
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 for
animals
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.
As well as
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 the guidelines for the industries and waste problems.
Overall
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, all of those problems are made by
human
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humans
show examples
 and should
also
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 be solved by humans.

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Task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. You give several causes, but the plan to solve the problem is very short. Add clear steps, such as laws to stop tree loss, limits on waste, and money for safe animal areas.
Task response
Make each main idea clear and true. For example, do not use a fact about the rise in world heat unless you can state it correctly. It is better to explain how heat changes ice, water, food, and animal homes.
Task response
Develop each cause with one clear result. For example: when forests are cut down, animals lose homes and food; then their numbers fall. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: first, an opening that gives your main answer; next, one or two parts on causes; then, one part on what people and governments should do; and last, a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The second part moves from fewer animals to food problems, but the link is not fully clear. Say which animals lose food and why this can lead to death.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully, such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “Finally”. Avoid long sentences with many ideas joined by commas, because this can make the meaning hard to see.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the ending sum up the two parts of the question. State that human acts cause much of the problem and that strong laws, safe land, and less waste can help animal life.
Task response
You address both causes and solutions, and you focus on human acts such as world heat, loss of forests, and waste.
Task response
The polar bear example is useful because it shows how loss of ice can reduce an animal’s home.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraph breaks, and ideas are often introduced with signs such as “The first reason” and “To solve this problem”.
Coherence and cohesion
The final sentence gives a clear main view: people cause these problems, so people need to act.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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