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Band 5

Some people see sports only as a leisure activity, while others believe sports play a more important role. Discuss both views and give your option.

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
sports
Use synonyms
 to be a
free
Check wording
form of free-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 entertainment,
while
Linking Words
 others see
sports
Use synonyms
 as a crucial step for
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Although
Linking Words
 physical activities can be a source of relaxation and unwinding after a busy day, it
also
Linking Words
 promotes a healthy lifestyle and
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
 mental well-being.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
sports
Use synonyms
 as a recreational activity can be a great way to connect with
people
Use synonyms
, relax and unwind, and catch up with friends.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get relieved of their stress and enjoy themselves with friends and family.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it promotes interpersonal relationships and leads to a good family bonding
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there is no goal to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 or
competetiveness
Replace the word
competitiveness
 to win the
game
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 everyone just enjoys their
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
last
Add an article
the last
show examples
time
Use synonyms
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I was playing a
game
Use synonyms
 of badminton with a friend, we never stopped at
gamepoint
Correct your spelling
game point
 or rushed to complete the
game
Use synonyms
. We continued till the end of the evening with no scores or
competetiveness
Replace the word
competitiveness
.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some think that
sports
Use synonyms
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 physical health and
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
 mental well- being. It improves social skills, promotes good decision making and
competetiveness
Replace the word
competitiveness
.
This
Linking Words
 promotes a person in improving his skills, personality and social interaction.
Sports
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 a great way to relax and train your brain into making quick
decision
Check wording
decisions
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
sportsperson
Check wording
sportspersons
show examples
 have enhanced reflexive skills and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better mental health.
This
Linking Words
 can help in reducing stress and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 mental well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 training for games like basketball and badminton consists of reflex training to improve reaction timing.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would suggest
people
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
consider involving physical activities
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 to a minimum in their daily life.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 involving in a
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
game
Use synonyms
 can help a lot in maintaining physical and mental health,
people
Use synonyms
 who have limited free
time
Use synonyms
 can spend
time
Use synonyms
 with
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
 and family to encourage
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 and
stress free
Correct your spelling
stress-free
 lifestyle.

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task response
You discuss both views, but your own view is not fully clear. State your view in the first part and repeat it clearly at the end. For example, say that sport is both fun and important, but its health role is more important.
task response
Develop each main idea more. In the first body part, explain why people choose sport for fun. In the second, explain how sport helps the body and mind in daily life.
task response
Your badminton example is clear, but it is very personal. Add a more general example, such as people who play football after work to feel less stress and make friends.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this order, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, such as stress, mental health, and relaxing. Use each point once, then add a new reason or result.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care. Words such as 'also', 'because', 'however', and 'therefore' can make the flow easier to follow. Do not use too many result words when the next sentence only adds another idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final part match your view. The last sentence moves back to family time, so the main message becomes less clear. End with one direct statement about why sport matters.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a view in the final part.
task response
You use examples about badminton and training, which make your ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see, and each body part has one main focus.
coherence and cohesion
The first and last parts are present, so the essay has a clear overall shape.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activity
  • relaxation
  • unwind
  • socialize
  • non-essential
  • recreational
  • physical health
  • fitness
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • community pride
  • national pride
  • career opportunities
  • personal development
  • societal well-being
  • balanced view
  • acknowledge
  • benefits
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