Nowdays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher than that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction

In many

nations

Add a comma

nations,

show examples

the number of older

population

Check wording

people

show examples

is more than

younger

Correct pronoun usage

that of younger

show examples

ones

Check wording

people

show examples

Although

Linking Words

old

people

Use synonyms

brings

Correct subject-verb agreement

bring

show examples

some

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

in certain fields

Change preposition

apply

show examples

leadership

Change preposition

like leadership

show examples

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

beleive

Correct your spelling

believe

it is a negative development

due to

Linking Words

their less capability to perform tasks

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

also

Linking Words

puts pressure on healthcare services.

Body paragraph 1

Older

people

Use synonyms

require or

utilize

Change the spelling

utilise

show examples

healthcare services more frequently.

This

Linking Words

is because elderly

people

Use synonyms

require more healthcare assistance.

This

Linking Words

increased demand for health services put extra pressure on government budgets.

Due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, other public sectors

such

Linking Words

as education

Correct word choice

and

show examples

transport received less funding

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

ultimatley

Correct your spelling

ultimately

leads to expensive educational institutes and fewer and

low quality

Correct word choice

lower-quality

show examples

public

transists

Correct your spelling

transport

Body paragraph 2

Furthermore

Linking Words

, having

Correct word choice

a larger

show examples

number of older

generation

Check wording

generations

show examples

can create employment problems. Because

majority

Add an article

the majority

show examples

employer

Check wording

employers

show examples

give more

opperunity

Correct your spelling

opportunities

experenced

Correct your spelling

experienced

people

Use synonyms

and feel reluctant to hire

new comer

Check wording

newcomers

show examples

or less experenced applicant.

This

Linking Words

discrepancy can often increase the unemployment rate among young

people

Use synonyms

Conclusion

cnclusion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

although

Linking Words

older

people

Use synonyms

have more experience and can help in leading through their wisdom

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

but at the same time

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they can

put

Rephrase

also put

show examples

extra

Add an article

an extra

show examples

burden on

national

Add an article

the national

show examples

budget

and

Correct word choice

, which

show examples

can

also

Linking Words

result in

unemloyement

Correct your spelling

unemployment

among young

people

Use synonyms

gs3151589

Oct 18, 2026

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task response

You answer the question clearly: you say this is a negative change. Keep this clear view from the first line to the end.

task response

Develop each main point more. Explain how a higher health cost can affect the country, and explain more clearly why young people may find it hard to get work.

task response

Use one clear, real-life example for each main point. For example, say that more hospital care for old people may mean less public money for schools or roads.

task response

Be careful with the idea about jobs. Old people do not always take jobs from young people. Explain that this may happen when people work for longer and firms choose people with more work experience.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Make the first sentence of each main paragraph state the main idea more directly. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next point.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: 'As a result', 'This means that', and 'For this reason'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid repeating the same words, such as 'older people' and 'healthcare services'. You can also use 'the elderly', 'older adults', 'medical care', or 'public health care'.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are too long or unclear. Break them into two short sentences so that the link between cause and result is clear.

task response

Your main view is clear, and you give two relevant reasons: pressure on health care and fewer job chances for young people.

coherence and cohesion

The paragraphs are in a sensible order, and the ending repeats your main view and key ideas.

coherence and cohesion

You use basic linking words such as 'Although', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

186 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

proportion
elderly
younger generation
mentorship
social cohesion
geriatric care
public services
infrastructure
social welfare
pensions
healthcare costs
economic productivity
innovation
education
job training

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Nowdays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher than that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Surveillance cameras in banks, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and public, but they are also took for their users to spy on people's private business. what problems do surveillance cameras create? what are the solutions?

: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Is there any other big threat to mankind?

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.